This just in from the LeHD Newsdesk...but first a word from our sponsor.
Cue birds chirping...drone footage of the tops of trees slowly descending to a hipster in a suit that's been shrunk to fit as he's walking towards the camera..."Hello, and Happy 4th of July! The makers of "Pitchforks and Torches" want to ensure that you, the proud American you are will be beaming with pride at our nations birthday or ready to tackle the chokehold of Washington DC with your trusty implements Made In America* for you. We have the torches in long lasting 5' tiki torches to commemorate the Charlottesville Nazi rally all the way down to the 1' torch to light pipe bombs that were placed all over DC on Jan 5th but we're not supposed to talk about. Then there's the World famous pitchforks. Oh, how we're so proud of them, when you need to display anger, prod politicians to gallows or even demonstrate with your Palestinian and Ukranian friends nothing says "Getting the job done!" quite like our pitchforks. So, don't be that neighbor hiding out in a dark unlit house, be that light for the world to see you shine while you get out and demonstrate in a mostly peaceful demonstration with our pitchforks and torches. Thank you and Good day!
*cue the voice that talks so fast you can't understand the terms of purchase or that only the sticker was made in the USA and that CCP Uyghur guests hand lathe each and every torch and pitchfork handle.
So Chet, back to the newsdesk...Thank you Leslie...Democrats Concerned Biden May Be Too Old To Finish Destroying Country
At a secret meeting of high-ranking party leadership, Democrats expressed grave concern that President Joe Biden may be too old to complete their party's mission of the utter destruction of the country.
Though Democratic Party power-brokers agree that Biden has served his purpose well in helping to push the United States closer to the brink of collapse, they agree that his advanced age may make it impossible for him to finish the job.
"It's a shame he's so old because he's done such a tremendous job of being awful," said one party official. "We've never seen a leader with such an innate, natural gift for steering the country toward utter annihilation. It's been truly impressive to see the horrific results he has achieved in just a few years. Unfortunately, he may not last long enough to finish it off."
Leading Democrats fear they may be forced to turn to a replacement to ensure the country's demise. "There's certainly a danger that the country will still be standing when President Biden leaves office," said Jaime Harrison, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. "He's made a lot of progress in just one term in office, and we know a second term would be more than enough time to wipe the United States out of existence… but it looks like Joe's just not going to make it."
At publishing time, after considering alternatives like Kamala Harris and Gavin Newsom, Democrats unanimously agreed that keeping Biden in office after his death would give them the best chance of achieving their ultimate goal.
Edited by user
a year ago |
Reason: Not specified