Alright Krubs......since you asked.
The biggest fart in the world was in Oshkosh, WI.....about twelve years ago. I know this because I was there, and it was my father who left it.
We had driven to Oshkosh from PA to check out the airshow/fly-in event. My dad was flying ultralights at the time, and Oshkosh had a pretty sizeable representation of UL fliers and manufacturers. We had driven in a Volkswagen Bus, a camper, and we parked in some big lot and just lived there for a week.
At the time, we were drinking Old Milwaukee, Blatz, or whatever was cheap. I can't remember exactly what we drank, but we drank alot of it, and all we really ate was carnival grade food the whole week.
At any rate, we used to "sneak" into the campground in the evenings and use the shower facilities. One night we must have got there at peak hours......there were people lined up for about 100 feet to shower. One line was all women, one all men. Directly between the two lines was a bank of portapotties; there were no crappers in the shower rooms....just showers and vanities.
We show up with our shaving kits and pockets full of beer. It was dark already, so we had a bit of a buzz on just from drinking beers throughout the day. The other side affect of drinking beers is a short bladder.
On several occasions, while waiting in line, we had to "excuse" ourselves and use the portajohns. The people in line with us were "kind" enough to let us back in, although I think they were a little annoyed.
It just so happened that we both were in adjacent crappers on one occasion, both taking leaks. The beers in my cargo pockets had caused my pants to fall to my ankles....no matter (so I thought). I was just about ready to pick'em back up when it happened. i heard a thunderous burst from the portajohn directly beside mine. My eyes were drawn to look through the vented window type thing and I remeber seeing a flickering light coming from the pooper next door. It was my Dad in the raptures of convulsive laughter....his glasses were refecting the light from the floodlights by the shower shed. At that point I realized that that noise came from HIM!!! I couldn't believe it....it was SO loud that I figured it was a loud shoe squeak or something, I just couldn't believe that it was a FART! But it was.......and I began to hear my dad's stifled laughter.
At that point, I started losing control and laughing hysterically. I went for my pants again, but this time I goofed up and fell backward against the stall door......and fell out and onto my ass, which was covered only by underwear because my pants were around my ankles...........and they were wet and hissing. I had apparently bumped against the doorway and broke a beer in my pants.
Still laughing hysterically, now very loudly, I took stock of the situation at hand; about two hundred people had their heads turned toward me. I knew they had heard the fart, and now they had some drunk pantless beersoaked **** to point their fingers at. I did what any red-blooded American would have done and laughed even harder and pointed to my Dad's porta****ter. It seemed to work because I could feel a shift in the gaze from me to the pooper with the door still closed, that seemed to be vibrating (it was.....from my Dad laughing like hell).
I remember that most of the women had a sort of surprised look. Some looked disgusted, but all were expectant on seeing this jerk who made this awful noise. Most of the men were giggling; some pretended to not have heard, but were stealing sideways glances.
In the meantime, I had tried to right myself once or twice, but was unable to because I was still howling uncontrollably.
Then he came out. ALL heads turned, I'm talking about at least two hundred people, to see the ass who made this terrible, awful, and hilarious noise. I imagine the expectation was for an extremely obese or hulk or a man to issue from the portocrapper, but no........
.....my dad, slipped out casually; an average sized man, without the slightest expression of emotion. He had a newspaper tucked under his arm, and he strolled away from the fracas........whistling comfortably.
An expert move no doubt. I gathered myself and bailed out, catching up with him 50 yards down the trail, where we laughed like schoolchildren for hours.
Thats it...........that is the story of the bigest fart in the world. Some of you may call BS, that is your right........but I was there man.....I was there on the muddy ground, with my wet pants around my ankles, laughing as loudly as I have ever laughed........in front of an audience.
