1) When I lift the toilet seat to leave a leak (I leave them, not take them) some sort of spray shield is deployed to prevent me from spraying the floor or the cabinet alongside;

2) there is a switch alongside the toilet paper roll to activate a built-in fan in the toilet to exhaust the mind-bending stench--why this fan is traditionally 8 feet away from the source is stupid. It should be located at the seat;

3)There should be a tongue-like object that is deployed to automatically lick my testicles when I sit. This is for health purposes, since I am convinced I would evacuate more waste if such a feature were available. There should be a 'male-female' switch for this.

Is this too much to ask from a country that can put a man on the moon?

at first but gets better over time

LMAO!

And, Cooper, I regularly seem to either miss the bowl or somehow splash piss out onto the floor, even when I'm trying hard to be careful with my aim.

I'm think I will start to sit down to piss...I dunno...this would be especially attractive option if the ball-lick apparatus were rigged up.

Charlie