I skipped a wake this evening...didn't want to take the kids

I feel kinda bad about it, but at least I got a chance to visit the widow on Sunday night

RIP Darryl

I'd have done the same. My condolences.

never been to a wake, but not a fun place for kids, i would imagine. my condolences.

thanks guys...she's very kindhearted and said she understands

if you don't mind, please send her happy thoughts and prayers...she's raising 9 kids alone now...2 are theirs

they took in 7 more who were orphaned when her and her husband's siblings all died within one year

she's a good hardworking lady and not even 30 yet she'll need all the help she can get

I will not attend another wake. I will not have a wake for myself.

IMHO you did the right thing not taking your kids there.

I don't want to have people's last memory of me in a box, or cold and fridgid.

I have given specific instructions not to have a "wake". Burn me and put me in the ground (or granite drawer) as quickly as you can. People can visit me in the cemetary later if they feel like it.

Sorry to hear about the death of friend/relative though.

Take it easy,

Gringo

thanks, gringo

I want to be toasted into dust and bones too

I had never been to a wake before I started working in the community I work in....a lot of families have them

I wouldn't want one or to see my love one I think, but I did notice that it is so clear that the once you love is not in there...they never look like the person

so maybe for some the closure is needed that way

I don't know

thanks again

Around here, they have a special viewing of the body the day before the actual funeral. I HATE viewings and avoid them whenever possible. I agree that it was a good idea to keep your kids home from (what I find to be) such a morbid practice. As was stated earlier, some people benefit from that kind of closure, but I don't think it's appropriate for kids.

I've left instructions for a combo kind of deal. If anyone needs the closure that the ceremony provides, then I definitely want a wake - I like the idea of celebrating a person's life rather than mourning their death. Full bar, too - let's do this thing right! However, whatever remains of me will be there in an urn. All the humis and tuppers will be out and open, and anyone wanting to contribute to the contents of my urn is strongly encouraged to do so. Afterwards they can fertilize my beloved tomato garden with me.

Please don't forget to tip the bartender.

lluvia - does your friend have any other family in the area to help her out, or is she the last? A family that size is a lot to manage, even WITH a helpmate, but alone......well, I've got my hands full with just two - I can't even imagine.

Erica

I am sure Darryl did not miss you at his wake............just kiddin'

Charlie

^I know, Charlie LOL...but she needs all the support she can get...my goal is not dropping the ball on checking in on her after everyone scatters

Daqueenbeez- I'm not a fan of the tradition for myself either. And I don't think little kids can understand it. My mom used to have to go to wakes and was told to kiss them goodbye. She still can't stand the smell of sweet flowers or perfume because of it.

She has friends and family, but I think the young adults aren't the most stable that's why they felt they were the ones to take the kids in. I was so impressed with how they just stepped up in their mid-twenties, got their GED's and both working full-time, and then took in all the kids when their parents died. I think her folks will make sure she has support and help from some of the other folks. I sure hope so.

As for your send off, sounds great!

Re: #1 ...

... that's a good reason to skip a wake ... for the kid's sake ...

... unfortunately, I had to walk out of a wake when a good friend of mine killed himself recently ... I couldn't even talk to the family ... but they did see me look up, nod, lower my head and then I had to leave ... great guy ... just a fantastic guy ... had some issues due to diabetes and they were going to amputate his legs .... and we were supposed to be going to grab a beer the night before ... he never showed up ...

... anyway, my condolences and sympathy to her family ... and my case was different from yours ... but I still hate myself for having to walk out ... I just could not stay ...

Those sorts of things you have to go with your gut, and suprisingly everyone usually understands.

jimmy- I'm sure the family understands, as does my friend...these types of deaths tend to leave people feeling guilty. No need. You tried to be there for your friend when he lived and that is what is important.

sorry for your loss, jimmy

that's really tough

No wakes, no funerals, no viewings, thanks anyway. Too many sad people.

^ ... thanks ... he was a really great guy ... but (for reasons only he could decide) felt he could not live the rest of his life in a wheel chair ... he was only 46 - and was like 6'7" and about 350lbs ... and in his last letter to his mother, he said there was no way that he could go through life like that ...

... yes, the family does know why I left ... I honestly just could not talk and just had to leave ... but I do still feel bad about that ... the family did not take offense, the father actually was touched (somehow in some way) for "why" I had to leave ... so I guess it meant a lot for him (emotionally) to know how much I cared for Rick ...

grief hits people different ways at different times

...peace to you, jimmy

and jimmy

sounds like you and Rick had a great friendship

...not easy losing friends, but take heart in knowing you were blessed to be friends to the end