I work with someone who, during contentious negotiations or serious disputes, often says "Let's not go to DeathCon 5 just yet..."

I've told him that I'm pretty sure that "DEFCON 5" (emphasis on the DEF) is peaceful and relaxed, nothing going on, and that maybe he should say DEFCON 1 (emphasis on the DEF).

But he says that sounds wrong. So here's my question: I should be allowed to punch him any time, right? Just walking by him in the hallway, BOOM. I mean, he's only gonna go to DeathCon 5.

ScottHar

punching is a bad idea.

I'd hide something stinky in his office.

...like a landmine

^if "landmine" is a code word for "pile of dog ****", then sure....OK.

It is Defcon. Defense condition.

5 is peacetime readiness.

1 is imminent attack.

Your coworker is a douche and needs fish guts hidden in his office. Puree them and use a turkey baster to inject them into the curtain rods. He'll never find them that way.

^^

holy ****, turkey baster?

you're familiar with this type of thing i take it? ( i like it!)

^Dude will change out every damn thing in his office and it'll still stink.

It'll drive him crazy.