Seems like a pretty cushy gig. Stand in foul territory, stay out of the way, maybe rule on a couple of balls hit down the line, MAYBE a call or two at third base...

I think I could do this.

Or it seems much more doable than being an NFL ref, or an NBA ref. Those guys have to run, right?

I think I could umpire 3rd base with a beer in each hand.

ScottHar

Of course it's a cushy job...you're in a union. The home umpire is the one earning his keep. Sometimes he gets dirt kicked on his shoes.

I'm pretty sure they rotate and dont get to stay in the same position each game.

I'd stay in the same position. Seriously, they'd be like, "Scott, tonight it's your turn to call balls and strikes," and I'd be like, "Nah, I'm just gonna go stand over there with my beer, watch the game, and hang out in case there's a play at third."

ScottHar

#3 They do rotate. BTW, it's more than just making calls at third. You're usually responsible for calls on the line, possible fan interference, making a call if the ball gets trapped somewhere odd in the vicinity of left field and third base, whether a left-handed batter checked his swing or not, possible interference on run-downs, whether someone ran out of the basepath, oh, and ground rules for all 30 MLB parks. If you're lucky, you might even have to break up a fight or two.

Plus, you can get some wicked screaming ground balls around third...that's why it's nicknamed the hot corner. Making a fair/foul call can be tough some times.

#4 And they'd say, OK, no more 1st class airline tickets for you, and your services and salary are hereby terminated.

^^Baseball apologist!

^Well, the umpires sure have made an unholy mess of the playoffs so far. Damn, some seriously bad calls, and a few that even occurred on plays right in front of the umps.

I'm thinking get ScottHar loaded up with some Stoly or something so he can handle the cold, then send him out there. A drunken, aging skirt chaser couldn't do much worse then some of these paid pro umps, and might provide some additional entertainment.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070827&content_id=2173765&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb 

"A Major League umpire's starting salary is around $120,000, with the senior umps earning up to $350,000."

I'm ready! (Just no flavored vodkas, please.)

ScottHar

9. Author: zasder

Good article.

^ Thank you. I try.

scott the deal is some of the innings can get long. you may need more beers than you have hands.

^Beer hat and catheter.

Seriously. I can do this.

ScottHar

what if someone rounds third a bit wide and steps on your pee tube?

^I have a leg bag (straps around my left thigh) -- works fine, as long as I empty it every two hours or so (i.e. 7th inning stretch).

As long as there's no collision I should be fine (and even on the collision, I'd just be pissed that someone spilled my beer).

As I've said: I'm ready.

ScottHar

keep in mind if hit wrong pressure may force it back in at least for the moment

A moderate amount of retrograde urine flow is acceptable, as long as it's right back into the bladder (obviously, I'm assuming it's not in the top of the 7th, when the bag is nearly at its capacity).

If MLB gives me this opportunity, I'd even be willing to go out of pocket (so to speak) and customize an extra large leg bag.

ScottHar

you could use it as a seat

I don't know about that leg bag. I played ball for a few years, been watching for many more. I've seen some guys take some wicked shots to just about every part of the body.

Say you get hit, and maybe the sight of your beer spilling causes you to faint. Then, much like I imagine most parties you attend, you awake, soaked in urine, not sure if it is your own, but this time, there are 50,000 people watching, as opposed to the usual 8-10.

I would imagine that waking to such a scenario might be most injurious to one's mental health.