"My name’s Brad." Nope, I'm sorry. No more Brads are allowed around here. It's not a real name. In fact, it's not even a real nail. Just a tiny little bit of metal that gets lost on the floor until someone finds it with a bare foot.
"I’ve been smoking cigars seriously for about 10 months..." before that, he used to smoke and laugh and laugh
"...really enjoy the hobby." Hobby? Hobby? What a poser! Damned amateur. In fact...you're a damateur.
"I’m a 26yo law student in Missouri..." Be prepared for massive amounts of crap. Better yet, quit law school and get into a line of work where you actually have prospects for a job when you graduate. Which also means, yes, move out of Missouri.
"...former Olympic marksman..." Former? That's sort of like curling, right? I mean, age isn't really a barrier. So I figure at your age, you must have gotten kicked off the team. What, did you kill a guy? Figure that by the time they solve the crime, hopefully you'll have finished law school and can do a decent job of representing yourself? Man, why don't you just send the FBI an "I did it" telegram, with a map leading to the body?
"...international skeet..." I understand that most hotels now test for that.
"...and all around nice fella." Yeah, the kind that shoots people and goes to law school. Nice story. Oh look, the jury already voted to convict you before they even left the jury box.
This has been your drive-by noogie. Welcome to the madness.
