A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
