Here at Classic Gay Sitcoms Headquarters in sunny Atlanta, we’ve got more than we can handle of the following things: crumbling family businesses operated out of crumbling family mansions, “career gals” who seem to support themselves by working only a few minutes a year, and old ladies who — having once smiled at a maid during the 60’s — consider themselves socially progressive.
We hate to say it, but our own beloved Julia Sugarbaker is guilty as charged on all three counts.
She framed herself as a bleeding heart liberal,
but her background was sketchy, at best.
Oh sure, one time in the 80’s she may have sat in the same room as a gay person. But if you think about it long enough, you’ll probably recall this this was the one and only appearance of a gay male character throughout the entire seven season history of Designing Women. Now think really hard about it, and you’ll also probably recall that by the end of the episode, he had died of full-blown AIDS.
Wowzers!
Next, let’s take a moment to reflect on some of Julia Sugarbaker’s other progressive qualities. Like the time she repeatedly — and irrationally — tried to block the sale of pornography to consenting adults in her neighborhood. Or the subtle way she had of censoring the workplace discussions of her employees for being “inappropriate” or “in bad taste.” Or the fact that every interaction with her seemed to culminate in a tyrannical “my way or the highway”-style lecture.
Also, remember how she kept the dude from Mannequin as her own personal one-man-band of degrading stereotypes?
“Wait, I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be offending
gay people, black people, or Whoopi Goldberg right now!”
Social progress, of course, doesn’t happen overnight. It takes years to slowly erode the antiquated mindset of a people, and generations before what seemed once unattainable begins to feel commonplace. We at Classic Gay Sitcoms see terrific things in store for the future of this country: universal healthcare for all citizens, unapologetic environmentalism without consideration of corporate interests, gay rights for every man, woman, and child.
But let’s face it: In order for any of that to happen, we need ONE MORE GENERATION of old Southern people to die off. Just one. The next-youngest generation knows perfectly well how to mind its own business (and frankly, they’re all too busy looking for jobs these days to really cause any problems, anyway). And the generation below that actually believes for the most part in the radical notion that all persons are created equal, and accordingly, are deserving of the same basic set of civil rights.
Just sit tight, America: We’ll have ourselves a revolution, one dead old lady at a time!
Tick tock, Delta Burke.
Tick. ****. Tock.
That’s why we at Classic Gay Sitcoms both mourn and celebrate the unexpected loss of Julia Sugarbaker. I’m sure your politics were advanced for your age bracket, Jules, but to put it simply — that’s just not good enough anymore. Fine, you may have twirled the baton of equal rights and social progress higher, faster, and farther than your parents’ generation. But only when the rest of you old bitties with your high-necked collars, cameo broaches, and old plantation money finally die off, will the lights — come on — in Georgia!
Sincerely,
Executive VP of Re-Programming
“CGS: One dead old lady at a time.”
P.S. — Let’s also not forget that, although she supported gay rights, Dixie Carter proudly called herself “the only Republican in show business” and had to be bribed to deliver Julia Sugarbaker’s signature leftist rants with the promise of being allowed to sing in later episodes at a “one tirade to one song” ratio.
