I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.

I sleep all night and I work all day.

MOUNTIES:

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:

I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.

I go to the lavatory.

On Wednesdays I go shoppin'

And have buttered scones for tea.

MOUNTIES:

He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.

He goes to the lavatory.

On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'

And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.

I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing

And hang around in bars.

MOUNTIES:

He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.

He likes to press wild flowers.

He puts on women's clothing

And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:

I cut down trees. I wear high heels,

Suspendies, and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie,

Just like my dear Papa.

MOUNTIES:

He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,

Suspendies, and a bra?!

[talking]

What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!

And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

[singing]

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day

She wears on her chest

And when Daddy comes home

He never gets no rest

'Cause she's playing all night

And the music's all right

Mama's got a squeeze box

Daddy never sleeps at night

Well the kids don't eat

And the dog can't sleep

There's no escape from the music

In the whole damn street

'Cause she's playing all night

And the music's all right

Mama's got a squeeze box

Daddy never sleeps at night

She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

Cause' she's playing all night

And the music's all right

Mama's got a squeeze box

Daddy never sleeps at night

She goes, squeeze me, come on and squeeze me

Come on and tease me like you do

I'm so in love with you

Mama's got a squeeze box

Daddy never sleeps at night

She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

'Cause she's playing all night

And the music's all right

Mama's got a squeeze box

Daddy never sleeps at night

it looked prehistoric ...

There's a monster in my pants

And it does a nasty dance

When it moves in and out

Everybody starts to shout

Monster, aaaah monster, aaaah

Get outta here monster!

Monster! Monster!

Get outta here monster!

There's a monster in my pants

And It does a nasty dance

When it sees the light of day

You can here the people say

Oh no, a monster! Oh no, a monster!

Oh no, oh no, oh no a giant monster

Monster! Monster!

Oh no, a giant monster!

Shut the window, bolt the door!

Don't wanna see that monster no more!

There's a monster in my pants

And it does a modern dance

When it comes into a room

People hit it with a broom

Take that monster! Take that monster!

Take it! Take it! Take that you awful thing!

Take that aaah! Take that aaah!

Take it! Take it! Take that you naughty thing!

And they don't wear pants on the other side of France

But they do wear fleece to protect them from the beasts

Monster! Monster! Oh gee, a great big monster

There's a monster on the run and it wants to have have some fun

When it flies hup in the air, all the people stop and stare

The guys give a yell and the girls start to shriek

When they see its giant claws and it razor sharp beak

Gosh would you look at that thing

And I thought dinosaurs were extinct

Aaaaah!

Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume

Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raising of the wrist.

Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--

Half a crate of whiskey every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.

Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart.

'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,

A lovely little thinker,

But a bugger when is pissed

and I guess except for Eminem Ya'll can't RAP either! *LMAO* *SMH*

And my **** was missing again.

This happens all the time.

It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.

I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,

or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.

But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,

and the next morning I can't for the life of me

remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.

So I called up the place where the party was,

they hadn't seen it either.

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet

'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes

But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.

I called a few people who were at the party,

but they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my **** for too long.

It makes me feel like less of a man,

and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house,

and calling everyone I could think of,

I was starting to get very depressed,

so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,

where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,

I saw my **** lying on a blanket

next to a broken toaster oven.

Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him.

He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.

I took it home, washed it off,

and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,

but I don't know.

Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,

I like having a detachable ****.