Funny.

A few of my favorites:

- No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but **** and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'

- just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

- just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

- Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

- i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever **** blocked me

- i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like **** YEAH TINY MANATEE

Some good ones:

- i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

- i think i scared a bird with my ******

Been quite a while since I saw this site. Here are some more gems:

my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in

This one has to involve 05busa:

I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

These always get me laughing, at least until I start to run into some that remind me of some things I've done while hammered. Then I usually start feeling like I should call someone and apologize for something I did about 20-25 years ago.

Another funny one:

-So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?

Some of my favorites:

"She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like"

This has to be Jade and when was he in Phoenix, bastid didn't call....

"(480):

YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

(602):

I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!"

I like this one:

So I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pine cone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about **** that doesnt matter.