Now this is ONLY a joke! This is not intended to be offensive. This is ONLY a joke! If you were to offended, oh well.

It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now

nobody had made a scientific study of the calorie content of different

sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research the results

are in:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

With her consent...............................12 Calories

Without her consent..........................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:

With both hands................................8 Calories

With one hand.................................12 Calories

With your teeth..............................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

With an erection...............................6 Calories

Without an erection.........................3315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:

Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories

Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories

POSITIONS:

Missionary......................................12 Calories

69 lying down..................................78 Calories

69 standing up................................812 Calories

Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories

Doggy Style...................................326 Calories

Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories

ORGASMS:

Real..........................................112 Calories

Fake.........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:

Lying in bed hugging...................................18 Calories

Getting up immediately................................36 Calories

Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:

If you are:

20-29 years....................................36 Calories

30-39 years....................................80 Calories

40-49 years...................................124 Calories

50-59 years..................................1972 Calories

60-69 years..................................7916 Calories

70 and over..............................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:

Calmly.........................................32 Calories

In a hurry.....................................98 Calories

With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories

With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories

There must be something wrong with your numbers..

Cause I shoulda lost a lot more weight then I did this past weekend...

TANK

P.S. Thanks for the Great weekend Dear..!! Whoo Hoo

Thanks for the 411 Tank. That picture of you holding the beer bottle just flashed in my head - but it wasn't a beer bottle...

Now I'm offended!

Good grief!

LOL!

NOTE: This reply was meant to be a joke and not in anyway meant to be interpretted as anything other than such. Any interpretations of this reply, in any manner other than a joke, will be deemed null and void.

great one luapdleifocs

great one luapdleifocs

wow I burned off 9192 cal. try and figure out how,lol

I have got to try that Italian chandelier,that's a new one ,lol

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how

many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers,

"Well,son,there's three kinds of breasts.

In her twenties, a women's breasts are! like melons,round and firm.

In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"yes see them they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers..........

"Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his thirties and forties,it is a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

=^-.-^=

LMAO Lions.

thats to damn funny lions