Signs That You Live In Florida:
1. You have FEMA's number on speed dial.
2. You have more than 300 "C" and "D" batteries in your kitchen drawer.
3. Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti-O's.
4. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood
covering your windows.
5. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it
has three bedrooms, two baths, and one safe hallway.
6. Your SSN isn't a secret; it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
7. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
8. You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
9. The road leading to your house has been declared a "No Wake Zone."
10. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom
of the pool.
11. You own more than three large coolers.
12. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel
the least bit guilty about it.
13. You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking, "It'll only
take a gallon of gas to get there and back."
14. You have 2-liter Coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water
in your freezer.
15. Three months ago, you couldn't hang a shower curtain, but today
you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
16. You catch a 13 pound red fish --- in your driveway.
17. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's
insurance policy.
18. At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the
biggest chain saw.
19. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
20. After eating MREs, you think that joining the military is now
an interesting alternative than going back to your regular job.
21. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
22. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists
who work at the Weather Channel and every single newscaster and
reporter at all of the major stations in town.
23. Someone comes to your door to tell you that they've found your roof.
24. Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
25. Your "drive thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
26. Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
27. You spend more time on your roof, than you do in your living room.
28. You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder,
or a tree worker.
29. You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
30. Your child's first words are "hunker down" and you didn't go to
Ole Miss.
31. Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's
Christmas.
32. You know the difference between the "good side" and the
"bad side" of a storm.
33. Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
34. You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
35. You get phone calls from family members saying they've found
bread at a store 6 miles away; and you hurry to get there.
36. You wait in line for 45 minutes for a loaf of bread and don't mind
because at least you have bread.
37. A battery-powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
