English assignment...
Remember the book - "Men are from Mars, Women
are from Venus"? Well, here is a true life example from the
University
of Phoenix. An English Professor assigned his students to a joint
writing exercise that quickly degraded -check it out...
"Today we will experiment with a new form called
the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off
with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the
first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it
back
also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a
third
paragraph, and so on, back and forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each
time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely
NO
talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be
written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion
has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of
my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last
name
deleted).
THE STORY:
(First paragraph by Rebecca)
-----------------------------------------------
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of
tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for
lazy
evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said,
in
happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now,
at
all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating,
and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up
again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(Second paragraph by Gary)
--------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader
of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
important
things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic
bimbo
named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year
ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..."
But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of
nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
from
the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
(Rebecca)
---------------------------------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon
afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the
peaceful
farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War
and
Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
(Gary)
-------------------------------------------------------Little did she know, but she had less than 10
seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anuudrian
mother
ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
dimwitted
wimpy peaceniks that pushed the unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within
two
hours after the passage of the treaty the Anuudrian ships were on
course
for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan.
The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the
ocean
floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The
President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
(Rebecca)
------------------------------------------------------
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this
mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semiliterate adolescent.
(Gary)
-------------------------------------------------------
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of
Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other
sort
of F***ing TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too
many
Danielle Steele novels."
(Rebecca)
-------------------------------------------------------A$$hole.
(Gary)
-------------------------------------------------------
B!tch.
(Rebecca)
-------------------------------------------------------Get screwed.
(Gary)
-------------------------------------------------------Eat ****.
(Rebecca)
-------------------------------------------------------
SCREW YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
(Gary)
-------------------------------------------------------
GO DRINK SOME TEA B!TCH.
*******************************************************
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
