Apparently each year some group awards the “Darwin Award” for individuals who do the earth’s “Gene pool” the greatest service for doing something completely moronic and usually getting killed in the process. Two years ago it went to an individual who tried to “swipe a free soda” by tipping over a soda machine (with predictably bad results!).
Last year it went to a guy in the military for tying a jet engine onto his personal vehicle and ended up smashing into a cliff. But this year, the award was ACTUALLY given to an individual identified here only as LARRY, who for the first time in the Darwin Awards history, SURVIVED.
According to the report, Larry had a childhood dream to fly. He enlisted in the Air Force but poor eyesight prevented him from making a flight crew.
One day Larry went to a local “Army/Navy” store and purchased 45 weather balloons and a large stash of “helium”. (Note: when inflated, these balloons are about 4 ft in diameter.) Larry’s plan was to fill the balloons, suspend his lawn chair under them and float contentedly over his backyard in southern California. He tried a trial run by inflating 10 balloons and attaching them to his favorite lawn chair. Then he tied his lawn chair to the bumper of his car. Stuck to the tether, his chair floated about 10 feet up. Now content that his idea would work, Larry hauled down the chair and prepared to make his “final voyage”.
Assuming his weight would be a major load, Larry filled the other 35 balloons. Now he was ready. Armed with a pack of sandwiches and a 6 pack of Miller Lite plus his PELLET gun, Larry lashed himself into his lawn chair.
Larry’s plan was to float above his back yard at about 30 feet for a few hours and then using his pellet gun, he would “shoot out” enough balloons to descend safely back to earth a few hours later.
Unfortunately, when Larry severed his anchor, he didn’t float leisurely above his yard. In FACT, Larry was propelled into the sky as if SHOT by a cannon!! His chair climbed to 100 feet in just a matter of seconds!! The shock was so great he instantly lost his glasses, leaving him half blind for the entire trip.
He found himself blasted not 30 feet above his house, not 100 ft above his house…Larry stopped climbing at 16,000 feet into the atmosphere!! Now perched 3 MILES above the earth, it was VERY RISKY to shoot out any balloons, lest he upset the balance of the chair and fall to oblivion.
The mythological tale of Icarus, the ill-fated Greek Birdman, seemed ready to come true. One mistake and Larry was in great danger of plummeting back to earth.
Larry was in serious trouble. Far up in space far above the clouds, Larry had no choice but to sit there scared out of his wits. Did he have a coat?? No, of course not. Did he have any way to call for help?? No, of course not. Did anyone know what he was doing?? No, of course not. Did he have toilet paper?? The article did not discuss the tissue issue, but we assume not. Did he have anything to read?? Or should the question be did he even know how to read?? Apparently he at least had a camera. However he forgot to take a picture. Maybe he was preoccupied.
For TWELVE HOURS Larry just sat there drifting aimlessly in his lawn chair with no plan or reasonable hope for getting down other than perhaps a fortuitous alien abduction. There was Larry all by himself alone in the sky…no birds and no aliens either. His only companions were his sandwiches, his beer, and his pellet gun. Alone. Cold. Frightened. Drifting. Alone. Cold. Frightened. Drifting.
Larry’s fortunes miraculously improved when a breeze caught his balloons and carried him into the primary flight path of L.A. International Airport. A Pan Am airline pilot was the first to spot Larry. The pilot actually had to take evasive action and rise higher in the air to avoid severing Larry’s balloon train with his wing.
After he passed Larry, the airline pilot radioed to the LAX tower, “I’m starting my descent at 16,000 feet and I just passed a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. I don’t know if he is dangerous, but I don’t think so. Maybe he is trying to commit suicide, but he looks too goofy!”
Soon the tower picked up an object on radar. They dispatched a helicopter to check out a possible terrorist threat. Unfortunately evening was approaching and the Southern California evening winds began to carry Larry OUT TOWARD THE PACIFIC OCEAN. The helicopter caught up with Larry and watched him carefully for about 15 minutes with their binoculars. They ascertained in the evening gloom that his “GUN” was little more than a BB rifle, so this allayed their fears somewhat. There was no sign of any bomb to speak of. After watching him wave his arms furiously and nearly fall into the ocean trying to get their attention, they finally decided he wasn’t dangerous to anyone but himself.
At this point Larry had been up in the air for nearly an hour. Tired, exhausted, and perhaps worried that an air force jet might be dispatched to end his trip "prematurely", he decided it was time to do something. Larry took a chance and popped several balloons with his BB Gun. Then apparently he dropped his gun!!
Fortunately he had popped enough balloons before dropping the gun and slowly the lawn chair began its descent. Eventually the ropes became entangled in a power line, briefly blacking out a small area in Long Beach. The chair come to a stop a mere 5 feet above the ground. Miraculously Larry Walters was now able to climb down safely.
Larry was immediately arrested by waiting LAPD officers who charged him with violating LAX airspace.
As he was being led away in hand-cuffs, a reporter asked Larry why he had tried such a “lame-brained idea”. Larry stopped, looked back and said: “A guy has to do something. He can’t just sit around in his backyard all day.”
