*She's been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.

*She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.

*She's responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.

*She's turned more tricks than Houdini has.

*She's been in more motel rooms than the Bible.

*She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.

*She's been mounted more often than Trigger.

*She's been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins has.

*She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

*She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare has.

*She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.

*She's spent more time under men than barstools.

*She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.

*She's had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.

*She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

*She's had more marines land on her bed than on Iwo Jima.

*Hoover classifies her tongue as a vacuum cleaner.

*Her body has been declared a national recreation area.

*Her diaphragms come with a service contract.

*She has an IUD with a beeper!

*She uses industrial strength douche.

*Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.

*Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.

*Her pantyhose has a pet door.

*She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver mistook her for the

*Holland Tunnel.