Republicans Consider Welcoming People

Free Fall
Auctions

Specials
Auctions

QuickBuy
Auctions

Newly Added
Auctions

Ending Soon
Auctions

Welcome Guest

Forum Terms & Conditions | My Topics

RICKAMAVEN
Herf-A-Holic Topic Starter

13 years ago

Republicans Consider Welcoming People
Who Believe in Math and Science

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Opting for a bold “big tent”

strategy to rebuild the party, Reince Priebus,the chairman of the Republican
National Committee, told reporters today, “We need to welcome people who
believe in different things than we do, like math and science.”

After disappointing results in Tuesday’s election, Mr. Priebus said that it was
time for Republicans to become “more tolerant of those with a math-and-science
lifestyle.”

“Just because we don’t believe in those things doesn’t mean we can’t get along with
people who do,” he said. “We want to sendthis message: math and science Americans
are Americans, too.”

In the biggest departure from its previous electoral strategy, Mr. Priebus said, the
Republican Party is “even considering trying to appeal to women.”

“I read recently that women are as much as fifty-one per cent of the population,” he said.
“That number sounded crazy high to me, but maybe one of our new math Republicans can
check on it for us.”