SweetHavok
Sunday, February 10, 2013 7:44:21 PM
With a lot of people who like me are in the military or are veterans wanted to start a thread on humorous experiences while serving our country. Well hopefully it goes well.

Real life experience a few years ago:

While out on a field exercise we were being periodically attacked by OPFOR forces at different times of day and night and it. Now one of these OPFOR members was one of my soldiers, a good kid and smart as hell but she did have her blonde moments here and there. Well one day I had the luck of being the sergeant of the guard, midway through my shift I see my soldier dressed as a local national approach the gate. Now its my job to keep out anyone who isn't supposed to enter. As she didn't appear to have any weapons on her I went up to her and stopped her from entering our little compound, after confronting her I stopped her from entering and told her to leave. We stood there for several minutes talking as she was trying to convince me to let her enter. I had made the mistake of letting her get to close to me, and when she realized I wasn't about to let her in she reaches out and grabs me and says "boom your dead, I'm a suicide bomber". So I'm like dayum got to play dead now, and was about to lay down and play dead, that's when I saw her trying to open the gate, I stopped her and asked her what she was doing. She tells me that since I'm dead there is no one to prevent her from coming in through the gate. She then proceeds to try open the gate once again, and I stopped her once again from entering. Well we then proceeded to have an argument for the next several minutes, finally out of frustration, my soldier yells at me "Sergeant you can't stop me from entering because I killed you, I'm a suicide bomb............er" Her eyes opened up wide as he11, finally realizing that she was dead along with me all this time.

Burner02
Sunday, February 10, 2013 7:55:44 PM
Yep, a blonde moment.
Abrignac
Sunday, February 10, 2013 7:57:52 PM
We had a guy on our ship who when tied up had a bad habit of going to the local hole in the wall dive and get seriously drunk, not buzzed, but loss of memory drunk. Two or three times he came back aboard down to the rec deck where we watched TV. After falling over a chair or two, he would fart. Too bad he couldn't tell the wet ones from the dry ones. IIRC, he crapped his pants about three times.
TimFusco
Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:06:48 PM
Every unit has its drinker (or several). I bunked with one who had a habit of puking when he got in. He was good about keeping the garbage can next to his bed, but we got sick of it real quick. So, one night we moved the garbage can and put his boots there.
Abrignac
Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:08:37 PM

Every unit has its drinker (or several). I bunked with one who had a habit of puking when he got in. He was good about keeping the garbage can next to his bed, but we got sick of it real quick. So, one night we moved the garbage can and put his boots there.

TimFusco wrote:

Hehehe

Mrs.Tank
Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:21:06 PM
just had my son reading over my shoulder. He's still laughing 5 minutes later.

ZRX1200
Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:22:12 PM
My granpa had a guy on his boat who liked to sleep Nekked with no blanket. Well after a long time of people bitching to him and nothing changing......the painted the morning flagpole blue.

He was pissed.

My other grandpa (dead) got discharged from the navy. He was a cook and didn't like the admiral/captain and one day he came down to the kitchen. He said something to my grandpa who was always hard of hearing and he yelled "I can't hear you!".The admiral didn't raise his voice, so my grandpa got closer to hear him and the admiral kept moving back. It pissed him off because he hadn't heard what he said. Well he ended up chasing him ALL over the boat until the admiral got someone to detain him. Apparently my Grandpa should have put the knife down.

Abrignac
Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:34:16 PM
We've all heard stories about he guy who can't get enough of his hand, regardless of where he's at or who's nearby. We had a guy named "Hutch" on our ship. When not in uniform, he would always wear a pair of white jeans, a horizontally stripped red and white rugby shirt and a skipper cap. He had no shame getting amorous no matter where he was. He got riffed out after about a year after he came aboard.
ringsize
Sunday, February 10, 2013 10:39:33 PM
Let me check what has been declassified.

My old man was at the Cuban missile crisis. He worked in coding and decoding messages.

The fleet commander came in one day to hang out, pops told he would have to leave and the admiral did just that. Ok not so funny but my favorite story he will tell.

And he does not tell many so...

ringsize
Sunday, February 10, 2013 11:07:39 PM
Now my personal favorite happened on a tiny island in the South Pacific.

We were there on the island being an aggressor force against the navy Seabees. They would blow holes in the old runways and had to have them patched back up in due time. Poor rascals never had a moment to rest. The food was booby trapped with CS gas, the poopers as well. We kept them awake all night with half the force and in the daylight with the other half. Poor rascals. So to the funny part, or not so much depending on witch side you were on. While out on patrol we found a tent set up far away from everyone else. Now to us this was taken to mean someone was to good to play in our game. So after a lite recon we slipped away as to not let them know they had been found out. After a little rest and darkness arriving we set in motion a well laid plan. We arrive at the ambush site at the end of the runway. Two m60 machine guns were set up 100 meters back from the tent on either side of the runway. Then the rest of us sneak up to the tent and unleash hell.we gave then 12 cans of CS gas, machine gunners shooting up the joint, rifles going off flash bangs, and all the rest we could bring to bear on the cowards. So we wore them out and took off. When we looked back the tent had fallen down, a bunch of old farts were stumbling around in their underwears. We were so proud we sent them two flares so they could make out their surroundings better, we was nice like that. So in a couple minutes they start driving up and down that runway looking for us. Huh that odd usually they lick their wounds and hide. Well by the time we got back to camp all he'll broke loose. We had destroyed flight control for the whole South Pacific. Woops my bad... But hey the coconut crabs were delicious cooked in sea water...and not the first country we were told please leave and don't return.

ZRX1200
Sunday, February 10, 2013 11:14:25 PM
=d> =d> =d>
SweetHavok
Monday, February 11, 2013 2:26:44 AM
While training up for a convoy live fire exercise, my unit decided to have different stages of training. In the first and second stage they decided to have OPFOR attack us and we were to use nothing but blanks on the first stage and simunition round on the second stage. Now simunition rounds are nothing more than paint ball rounds that you can fire using your actual weapon i.e. an M16. Well during the second stage of the exercise I was carrying a M249 machine gun and about 200 rounds of ammo. In one of the little scenarios we were forced to pull security so we got off our vehicles. Naturally the OPFOR appeared from their hiding spots and a paintball battle ensued. Most people got hit a few times and some complaining it hurt where they were hit. Well remember I said I was carrying a M249? One of those OPFOR soldiers was "lucky" and got two long burst from me sprayed on him. Don't know how many times I actually hit him but I would say at least a good 30-40 rounds managed to hit their target. Needless to say he stayed hiding after that.
dubleuhb
Monday, February 11, 2013 7:45:16 AM
While on a deployment to Japan I had the unfortunate pleasure of being chosen to drive my CO and 1st Sgt to a dinner with our cohorts. I presumed I would be waiting while they ate and smoozed but alas there was a place at the table for the drivers, cool! Anyway at some point they brought everyone a plate of sushi. I had never had it before but what the hell I'll give it a go and some wasn't to bad. Most of it I had no idea what type of fish it was but that one that anyone would recognize was a piece of octopus. I saved that for last and popped it in my mouth, I chewed and chewed, then chewed some more. Needless to say I could not break that piece down as much as I tried. I didn't want to choke trying to swallow as it was quite large so I took it out of my mouth and set it on the plate, after all that chewing it looked almost untouched. A couple of minutes later my 1st Sgt, who was sitting next to me says ''what's the matter Barrett, your not going to eat the octopus?'' He then picks it up with his chop stix and pops it it his mouth, chews a couple times and swallows it down. This guy was a Pacific Islander and Vietnam Vet and as ornery as they come, but I would always get the last laugh even if it was to myself.
daveincincy
Monday, February 11, 2013 10:48:58 AM
I never served, but my dad did and probably has a few stories. One that I remember is when he and a buddy were on KP and thought it would be a good idea to sprinkle some rat poison in the cherry pies...served to the officers. :-"

My grandfather was in the Navy during WW2...wish I could remember his stories.

ringsize
Tuesday, February 12, 2013 9:28:17 PM
Ok here's a good one. Those who have served is the usmc learn in boot camp the importance of the company or battalion flag. The battalion flag more so because it hold streamers from all awards given to said battalion. Well one night our neighbors left their battalion flag out. Now those I served with are much like the bunch on these board and love to have an opportunity to educate someone, especially when it is a corrective type situation. So we wander over and take their flag down for "safe" keeping. So we needed proof of what fine upstanding jar heads we were so we got a camera and headed into town. We had strippers, Ronald McD, hamburgaler, and some wait staff at the rusty peso all pose with the flag. Somehow those pictures ended up in their battalion commanders office a few days later. He did not find it as funny as us but we never saw that flag again without a protection detail in close proximity. Btw 1st bat. 6 th marines, the most highly decorated battalion on the east coast. Never did figure out how I fit in with those rough and tumble sorts...
Abrignac
Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:10:53 PM
One night at a port of call most of the deck department ended up at the same whorehouse since it was the only bar on the island. Owen, the 1st class, was sitting at a high table trying to convince a working girl to give him a discount. This seaman named Snake (his real name was Mike IIRC) walked up to the opposite side of he table and just looked at him for a minute as he swayed back and forth then he walked off. A minute or so later Owen realized his leg was soaking wet.

A sort time later, Snake walked through a cut in a fence that separated the parking lot from the seating area. The Chief was on the other side pizzing across the opening. Snake stopped and told the Chief he was pizzing on him. The Chief acknowledged he was pizzing on him, but he didn't stop until Snake walked off.

If all three had not been so drunk, perhaps they would have all reacted a bit different.

At another port of call, I had the Quarterdeck watch. The OOD was a boot Ensign that everyone hated. About 2am this seaman named Omar came stumbling up the gang way with a fifth of something. About midway up, he chugged the last of he bottle then threw it at the hull. The OOD moved towards the gang way just as Omar reached the top. Omar got right in his face and yelled, "Boot Ensigns suck". He then tripped as he stepped onto the quarter deck and faced planted right at the Podium. The Ensign told me he was going to make a round and when he got back Omar better be gone.

ringsize
Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:25:09 PM
Boy oh boy if start telling drunk story's ... Well the respect would all be gone. Good story's guys keep em coming
ringsize
Tuesday, February 12, 2013 10:28:24 PM

I never served, but my dad did and probably has a few stories. One that I remember is when he and a buddy were on KP and thought it would be a good idea to sprinkle some rat poison in the cherry pies...served to the officers. :-"

My grandfather was in the Navy during WW2...wish I could remember his stories.

daveincincy wrote:

The college here several years ago invited vets to come in and have taped interviews done for friends and family to revisit at will. Was a great experiment. Hope they enjoy it at some point...

SweetHavok
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:06:31 AM
At my first duty station, my company comander used to love and take us on long runs, on the way back from a six miler, we passed another company that was doing pt. One of their soldiers had the bright idea to go up to our guidon bearer and relieve him from carrying the guidon, all in an attempt to steal it right from under our noses. Well it almost worked, the guidon bearer gave him the guidon, only to realize he had no clue who the guy was. Well in a matter of seconds things escaleted quickly there what started out as a tug of war for the quidon turned into a brawl between two companies. After a few minutes we left with our guidon and left them licking their wounds. Found out later the one trying to steal our guidon somehow ended up with his hand broken during the scuffle.
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