Was one funny guy !

STILL!!?

Here's to the original Uncle Creepy! The best!=d>

Boy, I tell ya....I get no respect.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.


Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

•Wife
Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".


•Wife
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.


•Family
My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.


•Family
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.


•Doctors
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. And I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

and I'll tell ya, I've played some rough places. At one joint the specialty of the house was broken leg of lamb. That's a rough place.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I'm so ugly, my proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.