(2014-02-10) — Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that from now on the Justice Department will make sure that the federal government treats homosexual couples the same as heterosexuals, ensuring equally-vigorous IRS scrutiny for their political groups, generous NSA eavesdropping on personal communications, and proactive government exclusion of their viewpoints from the public schools.

“I’ve grown concerned recently that gay people are not receiving the kind of attention they should from the federal government,” said Holder. “We don’t know for a fact that government policy excludes gay people, but the seriousness of the allegation is sufficient to merit additional funding and staffing to ensure that both civil rights and civil constraints are equally applicable to all.”

The Attorney General said federal recognition of gay marriages is the keystone in an “equitable-compliance” regimen.

“Once we register gay marriages in our database,” Holder said. “we can make sure that heterosexuals aren’t being favored with more IRS audits, for example. And gay people should also know that the NSA listens to their concerns, as well as to other details of their lives. Your federal government is there for you.”

An unnamed spokesman for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community praised Holder’s “long overdue” statement, noting that without an explicit mandate, government agencies may have inadvertently neglected to give the same level of attention to LGBT persons as it has to people still clinging to what he/she called “legacy sexual identity” (LSI).

“It’s an issue of fairness and compliance,” the spokesman said. “We simply want to ensure that the government doesn’t discriminate in its delivery of comprehensive monitoring and aggressive regulation just because of who you love.”

I agree with any decision to recognize gay marriage and partnerships.

I don't care....

Unless they're Tea Party members

Sure, why not?

maybe it's just me, but I believe this is tongue in cheek, maybe even from The Onion???

Scrappleface is SATIRE........it ISN'T REAL

Jet cheated a little the news reports I have read only say the attorney general said the federal government will recognise same sex marriages and ensure equal protection for them in all federal government programs.

I think there is a larger issue in play with several state attorney general's where same sex marriage is not legal and they are not upholding the law. No matter what their personal or professional viewpoint is the are sworn to uphold the law. If they are unwilling to do this they should resign or be impeached.

It's FAKE!


Holder isn't going after ANYONE...LOL!!![frypan] [frypan] [frypan]

Yes, gays deserve the same right to be married and miserable as the straight members of society have.

I've said that for a long time. If "marriage" is no longer a legal term, simply a religious term with no rights etc, this solves a lot of problems. Everyone gets a civil union (and rights bestowed through that), if you're religious then you can marry however your church wants. Winwin... or loselose....

Right, why should they get a free pass?