HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world,

• Mexicali, formerly known as California, reports that White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as Mexicali's third language.

• Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

• Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

• Couple petitions Supreme Court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

• Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 100 years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

• Iranian President Ibrahim Ima Dummie blames America and the decadent West for the rash of two-headed babies being born in Iran—threatens Islamic jihad.

• Ex-President Barack Obama,originally hired by Osama bin Laden as lobbyist for al Qaeda in Congress is now employed in the same capacity by Hezbollah and before that with Al Fatah.

• Price of gasoline at the pump was raised today to $27.00 a quart.

• The “hole” in Medicare Part D, was raised to $50,000. In addition, Medicare announced that the deductible for poor people was raised to $10,000. For all others-forgeddaboutit.

• France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

• Paris Hilton sues in court to have the DVD’s of her and ex-President Bill Clinton, in fragrante delicto, impounded.

• Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

• The last product made in America by Americans came off the production line today, just before the plant that prints postage stamps closed.

• The Interior Department announced the opening today of Yellowstone National Tree.

• PETA announces a national campaign to save the termite, fire ants, the cane toad and killer bees from extinction or, as they call it, genocide.

• Broadway actor Harvey Fierstein announced today that he is a closet heterosexual.

• NAACP bans rap music.

• Italy declares war on Monte Carlo. Italy defeated!

• Ford Motor Company unveils car that runs with a sail (wind power.)

• GM counters with their model that winds up with a large key.

• U.S. Supreme Court bans prayer in Church.

• George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

• 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

• Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

• Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast that they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

• Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

• Texas executes last remaining liberal.

• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

• Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

• Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

• Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

• Aging actor/director Mel Gibson claims that the Jews are responsible for all of the above, and then apologizes for his remark.

• Barbra Streisand leaves the United States to live in France in protest over Mel Gibson’s remark.

• Mel Gibson sells Malibu to the State of Mexicali (formerly California) for $100 billion. Barbra Streisand returns.

• Jane Fonda passed away today. Her death was caused by an accidental explosion that occurred while she was sitting on an anti-aircraft gun used by the Viet Cong during the Viet Nam War.

•
And I’ll bet that 80 percent of those who read this believe none of this will never happen! [frypan]

Cello on or Cello Off ???

Waffles or pancakes ?

okay....I'll just throw it out there.....I'm one of the non believers!!!! 🌫

But it looks like you had fun putting this together.....how many supermarket mags did it take to come up with ALL of that?

Where's the 'Like' button.

Good for you! Supermarkets are such dirty places. What with all those homemakers milling around squeezing fruit and sorting coupons......
Say, you wouldn't live in a 400 square foot apartment would you?



Entertaining stuff you posted. Reads like you transcribed two hours of FoxNews......

Maybe he's been reading Glen Beck's blogs.

Glenn Beck can wright?

yes I'm certain he can WRITE.....

Wow, perhaps there is something worse than his speaking.....

Did he send you a note telling you not to be so extreme?

You forgot one

"The America national association of liberals (A.N.A.L for short) held their 10th annual freedom convention to celebrate the forced closing of the last b&m/cigar factory/ tobacco farm. Don't fret though the convention was sponsored by the marijuana check off. Your marijuana dollars at work for you."

I don't usually watch Fox (or any other) news and I have a beautiful brick ranch in the Poconos. I lived in an apartment when I first got married and I would consider committing suicide before I ever moved into an apartment. [barf]

I know several people that lived in the Poconos, they all moved though.

Well I can see I've got to get you and Victor talking about apartments. Eye of the beholder stuff.

You do have me asking myself what it would be like to never go to the supermarket. Or to never watch the news.
For that matter, I live in Texas and understand what they do on a cattle ranch. What do they do on a brick ranch?

Raise bricks.

Smoke brick houses?