Daily Currant - Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting.

According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers.

In addition to those killed, 23 people were injured and are currently being treated in area emergency rooms. Several are in critical condition and not expected to survive. The flag’s motivations are uncertain at the moment. However, according to witnesses the flag did specifically target White people with Northern accents.

“The flag chased us down the hallway screaming ‘Die, Yankees Die!’, says Justin Anderson, an aeronautical engineer originally from New Hampshire. “Luckily flags don’t move very fast, so my girlfriend and I managed to outrun it.”

Lucy Patterson, a homemaker from New Jersey wasn’t so lucky. Both her legs were blown off when the flag lobbed a hand grenade at her feet.

“It looked straight into my eyes, pulled the pin, and threw a deathball my way,” she says. “It was so cold-blooded. Almost as if it weren't human.”

Shortly thereafter the flag turned the gun on itself, shooting itself in the pole several times. Rushed to Huntsville Beth-Israel Medical Center, it was pronounced dead on arrival.

Confederate flags have increasingly been committing mass shootings in the South. Although retailers like Wal-Mart and Amazon have belatedly banned their sale, the existing stockpile of flags should be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

“It’s a real tragedy,” says Bret Michaels, the CEO of retailer Wal-Mart, “We should have stopped selling Confederate flags sooner. Think of how many flag-on-human shootings we could have prevented.”


[gonzo]

Give it up for Lucy Patterson!!! Both legs blown off and still available for an interview. Glad I didn't marry a Jersey girl. She would call me a wuss!

And the Flag must have been seriously deranged..... Shot himself in the Pole several times???? OUCH!!!!!

Who keeps selling guns and explosives to those mentally disturbed psycho windbags??? It's not like they can put on a disguise...

yeah right: guns don't kill, flags kill... How many woulda died if the flag didn't have a gun? If all he could've armed himself with was some cracker, there might've been one injury...max.

Killer flag!

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Obviously the flag picked up his arms in the ghetto. The "Black Market"

He explained his agenda to target Yankees and had no issues finding exactly what he wanted.


I blame the Yankees anyway....what were they thinking coming to Huntsville AL anyway??? That's just looking for trouble!!!

Several months ago there was a targeted shooting in an Atlanta area black church. The gunman was killed by a parishioner.

Several days ago there was a targeted shooting in a South Carolina area black church. Nine parishioners were killed by the gunman.

Yeah, damn Yankees... they should know there aren't any baseball players in Huntsville.

The parishioner should get a key to the city!!!

I don't carry mine to church, but the one in my wife's purse is close enough to grab.

hmmmm, should we outlaw the Texas flag then? Texas joined the Confederacy and therefore by association the flag must be a symbol of hate right?

"DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS"


You're welcome wheel

and as long as we're changing everything around anyway how about this?

"Billy: [pauses to think] Hey new idea how 'bout we change the title from The Seven Psychopaths to The Seven Lesbians Who Are All Disabled And Have Overcome All Their Spazzy **** And Are Really Nice to Everybody And Two of Them Are Black. How 'bout that?"

from the movie "The Seven Psychopaths"

Walmart makes an ISIS flag cake but the same store refused to make a Confederate flag cake.

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Hey! I just snopsed that...and it's true.

No...we should just give Texas back to Mexico and be done with it

South Carolina and now Texas, why such a state hater?

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Now don't be a punk.

Where do you live anyway? Kansas?
That ain't even a real state....

"Don't mess with Texas" is an anti-littering campaign.

Yup, designed to motivate twenty some year old men, statistically the worst litter bugs.

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No chitt.....talk about fly over state!!!!