I felt the need to share a couple of extraordinary (i.e. bad) cigar reviews found on-line. Please feel free to comment or contribute your favorites. Oh and I am not making this up. Please post only "real" reviews ( BTW if it is on the internet it has to be real).

So for the first review.......................

THE CIGAR

Illusione Rothchildes

4 1/2 x 50 Rothschild

w. Mexican San Andrean

b./f. Nicaraguan

Tabacos Valle de Jalapa SA, Nicaragua

Construction.

Draw starts at a full tension, humsoever, my smoke-hole don't feel cheated. Loosens to quite doable medium+ at the mid-mark onset prior to me sucking out my dental work. Ash is a pretty sheath a' white in the 1/3 but then lesser-so the remainder. Seams hold quite well. Ton of tobacco in a 1/2 ton package. Pack starts with a brick feces house rating and softens just ever so slightly at the nub. Smoke stays cool throughout.

Combustion.

Burn-line is nuts even, gate-to-wire. Slowly-paced. Even-keeled smoke out-put off each end. Not a lot to say. Verily well did.

Flavor.

I tasted a definite marzipan here and there; thought I'd mention that first. Notes were led by a verily nuanced and finely ground pepper, both white and black w/ sweet accompanying spices. That tandem'd with a nigh as nuanced woody melange of sweet hardwoods and dried cedar. Nuttiness braced the woods in a pine and almond manner -- flesh only. The remainder of notes seemed to gravitate around a natural tobacco tightly coiled core. Coffee and cream. Cocoa. Toasted grape fruit. A vague grapeseed extract particularly on r/h. Smoked car-a-mel. Honey malt. Floral bits. Interestingly 'nuff for a mainly core delivered profile, there is an under-belly of leathery earth.

Body.

Fairly classical medium body. Delivered in creamy wood/pasty nut fashion with a neat-o sweet but not overly-so finish. Smooth but not pillowy. Crisp. Not a tingle to be seen on an excellent moisture level mouth-feel. Very clean ending.

Strength.

Just' nuff backbone to carry the profile. Minimal nicotine zetz.

FINAL GRADE

****B+****

you found my review

i thought i had laced more profanities throughout

Wow.........

Hey any of you guys have the problem of a veiny shaft going soft?

CAO Fuma em Corda Toro 658

NOTES:

Cinnamon

Yeasty 'baccy

Raisin

Prune

Leather

Red fruit syrups

Orange peel

Booze/hooch

White/black pepper (retro-hale, mainly)

Molasses

Floral

Nutmeg

Hickory

Buttah

Milk chocolate

Salt

Barnyard

Triggers nicely all the basic flavors. Well balanced.

Smooth of texture with some moisture which avoids swampiness.

Rich in a low-caloric desert manner.

Quite complex, yet even-keel'd.

Finish is rather short, but of a verily clean sort.

Some delineation is lost in the 3/3. Becomes nigh, only nigh, laborious.

Seams are loose-side a' preferred tightness, but hold.

Veiny shaft softens somewhat unevenly.

Draw is somewhat stiff in first 1/2, but doably-so. Girth don't help.

Gives off ugly burnt-offerings that hold well 'nuff.

Line is somewhat jagged with tick a' puckering hither and thither.

Calm smoke at rest, nice cloud off pull and into cool smoke-hole.

FINAL GRADE: A-

A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

WRAPPER: Honduran

BINDER: Cameroon

FILLER: Honduran, Nicaraguan, Brazilian (Braganca & Arapiraca)

STRENGTH:

ORIGIN: Honduran

Veiny shaft going soft ??? they advertise a number of products

on television & the back of magazines for this particular problem,

so good luck with your problem LIMP ****** !!!!!

🤦 ✋

verily