New member from across the P.O.N.D.

Enjoy a good cigar when I'm not too skint.

So this morning I start my day by taking my rubbish out to the bin, when straightaway I spot a bloke at the empty flat across the street posing as a real estate agent BUT I ain't no wazzock. This chap is MI5 all day.

Now it's monkey's outside and I'm still in the bathrobe I picked up at the morning swap but I know I'm balls-up if this nutter toff makes me. So real calm and cool I yell "Bob's your uncle mate! Ace's weather, no? Well, back to me telly."

He gave a crooked smile and a half wave - the **** - but I don't think he suspected anything. I'll be watching the dodgy cnt.

Now I'm back to the shack for some pork n beans for supper. Tatty-bye all.

Most importantly, which football team do you support?

That's a fair amount of suffering. Teetering on the edge of relegation in League 2 isn't a great strategy to brave the english winter.

What kind of Ho??.........what services are offered??8-[

got round to the pubs last night I did and

2 drinks in I spot this redheaded bloke sittin cross the place and

straightaway I know him as a scotland yard cuddy

I've no idea what he's doin in Leicestershire but he's about with some blond floozy and her MI6 sidekick

I make towards the loo like I'm out to shake the snake, but in actuality I just hover about behind em and listen in a bit, I did, and I hear em talking all sly like about how they was fixin to nick me pound stash from me flat that very evening they was

well I come round from behind him and - bob's your uncle - take a swing at ol' scotty

but the dodgy cnt musta slipped a mickey into me first pint cuz afore I could connect with the cheeky bastird

I lost me footing and ended up face down in their plum pudding

the scotty was quite good about the whole thing - OF COURSE THATS HIS JOB - shouldered me out to a hackney and saw me off and such

got back to me flat and looks like me stash is safe

OUTSMARTED them again, I did

maybe next time you bloody twits

THEN, I read the posts, and that easily confirmed it.

Incognito !

British Magwitch?