I would like to take this opportunity to tell you a story about how my cousin Brad influenced my life. Some will find it funny, others will find it touching, and still others will find it slightly unsettling. The one thing everyone will have in common is that you will find it to be LONG, but it ties in nicely so either read the whole thing or none of it. Without further ado, here goes.
My mother was born and raised in Savannah, Ga as the youngest of 7 children. All of these children had at least 1 child of their own, and oddly enough, they were all boys. There were 12 of us cousins total, and being all male, we grew up a rough bunch. We always had great backyard football games at grandma's house and there was never a shortage of cousins around the neighborhood, since we all lived within a 10 mile radius.
One of these cousins, named Brad, lived about 3 houses down from me growing up and, though he was 2 years older, was always my best friend. He entered high school 2 years ahead of me and fell in with a wild bunch, but never forgot about me and always let me tag along. As a result I started drinking at the ripe old age of 13 and never looked back. It was great for me to be hanging with the older kids and drinking made me feel so sophisticated, and it was all because of the friendship I had with Brad. He taught me everything that went along with the drinking lifestyle, especially how to pick up women. I will never forget him for that.
We continued like the dynamic duo, drinking it up an running the ladies like scalded dogs until one fateful day, when I was 16 and he was 18. That was the day we got the news that he was moving to Peoria, Illinois so my Uncle Michael could take a job up there. I was crushed that my best friend and wingman was leaving and thought that life wouldn't go on. It turns out that after a little while and a lot of readjustment, life did go on. I continued hanging with the same crowd, drinking, drugging and womanizing with the best of them, until one day Brad was all but forgotten.
Brad had been gone for about 10 years when my mom told me that we were having a family reunion in Peoria and that everyone was going to be there. I started to get excited aout seeing my cousin and mentor again and trading war stories about the things (and women) we had done. I talked to him on the phone and told him I would be in town early and wanted to get up with him, go to a bar and chase the skirts. He told me he had to work late and wasn't as much into the womanizing as he used to be. He gave me the name of a good "meat market" style bar and told me he would be looking forward to trading stories at the family reunion. He told me a lot had changed in his life, but we would discuss it at the reunion. He was excited to hear of my escapades back home with the local ladies and to tell me about the big news going on in his life.
Well I went up to Peoria a day early, went to the night club Brad had told me about, and was not disappointed. This was a target rich environment to say the least. About an hour into the evening a beautiful blonde catches my eye across the way. I had already had quite a few shots of the "dutch courage" and figured I could bring a strong enough game to bag this one. I went up and dropped some of my best lines on her, bought her a few drinks, and before you know it me and "Angela the Angel" are in a cab on the way back to my hotel room.
Through my haze, all I could think was, "I can't wait to tell Brad this story." We get back to the hotel room, get down to busines, pass out, and when I wake up the next morning she is gone and in her place is a note saying "Had fun. We should do this again some time. XOXO"
Well I get up, shower, and head to the family reunion at Uncle Michael's house on cloud Nine. I can't wait to see Brad and tell him how I scored on my first night in town with such a beautiful woman. I'm there for an hour having conversations I don't want to have with family members I don't want to be related to and there is still no sign of my old pal Brad. I'm walking up to a circle of relatives that my Uncle Michael is talking to to ask where Brad is, when I see in the crowd he is addressing, the very same blonde from the night before looking at me with a knowing look. Before I can speak, my Uncle Michael says, "Ryan, have you met your new cousin Angela?"
Needless to say, I am in panic mode. The slick, ladies man facade is quickly fading as I start to realize the implications of what has happened. In my blind ambition to impress Brad with my "skills" coupled with my unparalleled self centered attitude, I have bedded the wife of one of my family members and never even thought twice about it. I hadn't spoken to many family members in the last 10 years and didn't even know which one of the dozen cousins were married. Scramblimg to recover my cool, I respond to Uncle Michael, "I don't remember having such a pretty female cousin. Which one of my cousins was lucky enough to land you?" I was hoping Uncle Michael would not tell me it was his daughter-in-law and the wife of my best friend growing up. Was this the big news Brad had to tell me? He's married?!
Uncle Michael looks puzzled and says, "Ryan where have you been? Angela's not married to any of the boys. You've known her your whole life." Then he laughs and says, "You just don't recognize her. Her name used to be Brad."
