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Joined: 07-24-2011
Posts: 5,772
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Bur wrote:POWAY CA, Troy McClure reporting
This evening the Metro Arson Strike Team (MAST) was called to a private residence when a suspicious package was found in a mailbox. The package was carefully sealed and addressed, but the return address was questionable. After cordoning off the street, a careful hand entry was performed on an otherwise benign package from one “Herd U. Wazlo” of Warren PA. A quick records search determined no Mr. Wazlo lives in Warren PA, although one “Amanda Hugginkis” swore she (?) had once known such a man.
The package contained ten cigars and a Black Ops cutter. At first the victim was relieved to see only eight cigars but two smaller ones were hidden in the second five finger bag:
Unbanded small cigar
Don Pepin Garcia Blue Label Demi Tasse (?)
LDF Ligero
EPC Short Run
Oliva G
AF Gran Reserva
Undercrown Corona !Viva!
Antano Double Fuente Dark Corojo Torpedo
Carlos Torano 1916
Inferno by Oliva
Medical aid had to be administered to the victim at this point, as he became incoherent and drooling. After mumbling “eeny, meeny, miney, mo” at the cigars, he was stuck with an epipen and administered large quantities of black coffee which seemed to restore rational thought.
The victim also did not know of Mr. Herd U Wazlo so it was determined this was a pseudonym. The victim offered the name “A. Fine Botl”, but this also didn’t match any residents of Warren PA. Computer forensics found that this is not a name, but a term of respect, an honorific if you will, among a depraved group on the internet. This group is known to trade cigars, schwag, booze and pictures of hairy middle-aged males in skimpy bathing attire. New members are subjected to hazing, including venerating someone known as the Thong-i-nator and taunted with playing on “The Tiger’s” lawn. They are called by a variety of related terms like Noob, N00B and N00d, all in hopes of someday becoming a “Fog” or “Vet” and attaining a most likely mythical “Platinum Membership”. However, this could be a conspiratorial inner circle of this depraved enterprise run by a Godmother named Trish.
Small informants were seen arriving at the victim’s house all evening. Dressed in bizarre disguises, they rushed to his door clearly marked by a carved pumpkin displaying a symbol known only to the gang, and said a coded phrase that sounded like “Trick or Treat” over NSA spy equipment. They then were rewarded with sugar and fat infused food like items by an unidentified woman, most likely the victim’s spouse. This delighted the informants who would not part with these food-like treats when questioned by our agents.
The packing material was removed and sent to biometric exploitation labs for analysis, and computer forensics technicians compared the contents of this package to other recent “attacks” on “BOTLs” of this depraved cult-like organization. A prime suspect has been identified but the victim seems bound by gang protocols and bemoaned, “You cannot strike back at a RAOK”. But he quickly became silent and will require observation as future activity may indicate his willingness to “flip” and go against club protocol and strike back at a “A. Fine BOTL”.
hmmm.. . Certain clues left by this bomber, lead me to believe this was a frame job. . Of course, it could always be a double cross frame as well. . .  
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