finally, we come to pablo, who writes:

"I like lots of sex, lots of cigars, and lots of Heineken whats my prognosis. Dr. prognosticator... first I like to drink my Heineken with a cigar, than I like sex and cigar, after sex I like a cigar with my Heineken."

well, pablo, the "father of modern psychology" and avid cigar smoker (and cocaine user), dr. sigmund freud was once asked about the significance of his cigar smoking -- the great doctor had, after all, asserted that cigar dreams were actually dreams about the male sex organ. in reply to this question, the doctor smiled and said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

likewise, "watery" images in dreams, according to dr. freud, represented those fluids expelled during the sex act.

dr. freud also gave us the concept of "fixations" such as the famous "oral fixation." he would say that people who drink a lot or who smoke cigars or cigarettes are orally fixated - or stuck in the phase of early life when we take in the world through our mouths.

i'm quite certain that dr. freud would have a FIELD DAY with you, pablo, in that you seem to have hit the homo-erotic trifecta!

when we look at your obsessions through the freudian filter, we see that you love your beer -- a watery substance that freud would say represents sexual fluids. now that could be male or female, but when coupled with the NAME of the beer -- often called "hineys" for short, and "hiney" is also a slang term for one's buttocks -- your subliminal intentions are clear.

take the images of buttocks and seminal fluids and add to them your avowed love of sex and cigars, and we arrive at your prognosis, pablo -- you are CLEARLY a latent homosexual!

i do hope this helps!

dr. "it's someone else's turn now!" cavallo

p.s. or it could be that a cigar is just a cigar and a beer is just a beer! 😉

shawn wrote:
"The only thing it was missing was football"

yo, after that last one, do you REALLY want to add football in there? 😉 lol

okay, who's up next? PLEAAAASE someone take over!

WOW, Thanks Doc.

I feel a lot better now...

Butt its cold out side so I think I'll have coffee with my cigar today, inplace of the heineken.

ah, pablocito... just don't make it an extra long latte! 😉

heh. this has been fun, but sooooomebody's gotta take ovah now! step up!

Yo Tony, You da man I think its only fair that you help one you must help them all, just my .02

aloha@mahalo
pablo

Dear Cavallo,

Why is it that our children can't legally read a Bible in a public school, but they can in a federal or state prison?

Dear Cavallo: If it's true that God created man in his own image, then why did he use silly putty to create liberals. JonR

jimmy asks:
"Why is it that our children can't legally read a Bible in a public school, but they can in a federal or state prison?"

okay, mister sassy pants! you know as well as i do that in prison there are people there who are willing to TEACH johnny how to read -- FINALLY! oh, but i kid, i kid.

you know, we have two misconceptions to work with here. the first is that kids can't legally read the bible in school. POPPYCOCK! hogwash, i say! while this is still in the top ten list of "Email Forwards Sent By Secretaries Pushing 40 While Typing 90," it is untrue.

the bible is READILY available in the libraries of MOST public schools in our country. children can check it out, but let's be honest here -- is a child of 10 going to go for Thee and Begotten over Francis And The Hamburger Incident? kids may also bring a bible from home to read on their own time. nary a whelp has been arrested at the gates yet for bringing their bibles to school, mister malarkey!

just for giggles, i called around today to a public elementary, junior high and high school and asked the school librarians if the bible was available for kids to read. they were! more than one copy and different translations even!

okay, you secretaries of the world -- whip out that memo for the boss, because you've got some REAL typing to do! spread it around as quickly as you can -- as if an AIDS-infected needle was chasing you and trying to cut out your kidney and leave you in a bathtub full of ice!

your love of truth COMPELS you to spread the news -- the bible's back in town, baby -- and in fact, it never left!

TYPE LIKE THE WIND, SECRETARIES!!

but let's move on to the martha stewart portion of your question. do you think ms. martha reads the bible? i wonder if she'll take up "but i'm a christian now" in her appeal stage, or if the sisters of the koran will snag her first. what a dilemma!

now really, what would you choose? on the one hand you have the bible talking about how adornments are an exercise in vainglory (ungood, though isn't that a pretty word, vainglory? they should name a flower that!). on the other hand you have the koran... but all those BURKHAS! what do you do? what DO you do?

well, while martha might have a helpful hint or two about snazzing up those dreary burkhas ("ten nifty halloween costumes you can make from your burkha while still covering all but 2 inches in the eye area with fabric" for instance), i suspect she'll stick with the bible.

though all kinds of religious books are readily available, i suspect that our martha will stick with to the bible. after all, clothing isn't her forté -- but i'll bet she'll get lost in a merry reverie reading about the last supper!

and besides, i just can't envision her hangin' with the sistahs.

helpfully,
dr. cavallo 🙂

p.s. the bible isn't read in harder core prisons so much these days (though it remains available in the prison these rough and tumble criminals are on tinterhooks with excitement over soon-to-be-released "THE BIBLE" a movie by mel gibson. chariot crashes! angelina jolie as jezebel! gratuitous gladiators clash following the "throw the christians to the lions!" scene. what's not to like for a hard con?

Speaking of Marth Stewart and prison, etc ... if a deaf person gets indicted and has to make an appearance in court, will it still called a hearing?

Dear Dr Cavallo,

Something has been bugging me lately. Deep in my heart I feel that Fred Flintstone should KNOW and UNDERSTAND that the large order of ribs is going to tip over his car. With that in mind, riddle me this: Why does he order them at the end of EVERY show?

Sincerely,

Confused in Colorado

Thanx Dr C,makes sense. Wanna pull my finger doc. X :~)

Allow me to feild this one Dr.!

Puskarich- Fred Flintstone is obviously a heavy practicioner of insurance fraud! He has alot of hobbies and interests for someone who operates a dinosaur in a gravel quarry N'cest pa? So he seems to be augmenting his income from weekly claims for his hoopty being flipped. And you wondered why your rates were so high!

Sorry Doc, I just couldn't let this "educational" thread fade into oblivion.

What's your take on rectal itch?
Are you for or against it?

"Stinky" Uranus

Dear Dr. Cavallo: I plan on getting married soon and I am going to tell my soon to be wife about my family. My father is in prison for killing three priests on a bet, my mother is a drug dealer, my sister is a prostitute, and my brother is a pedophilic. Now here's my question, after I tell her about my family should I also tell her I'm a liberal or do you think it would be too much for her to handle. JonR

Jon, I won't speak for the venerated (or is that venereal?) doctor, EXCEPT to say that your whole family sounds pretty liberal to me. What makes you so different?

blood