Why don't elephants ride bicycles?


Because they don't have a thumb to ring the bell.

Why do elephants wear tennies?


Because the elevenies are too big and the nineies are too small.

Here's one a little more for the likes of you guys.

A man went to a doctor to have his **** enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's ****.
Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's **** crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?".
Suddenly the **** came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... can you do that again?"
With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"

*google is my friend* lol

There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; I don't know why. Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000.

All sorts of people tried, but nobody could get the elephant to jump. Finally, this little guy arrives in a limousine. He's carrying a baseball bat. He walks up to the elephant, swings the bat, and crunches the elephants balls pretty badly. Needless to say, the elephant jumps, and the owner pays out the $50,000. Unfortunately, the owner had barely collected enough to cover the prize, so he ran another contest. He'd never seen an elephant swing its head back and forth as if to say, "no." Same deal as before: $10 per entry, 50,000 prize. Lots of people try and fail.

Then the little guy shows up in his limousine again, pulls out his bat, and walks up to the elephant. He says, "Remember me?" The elephant nods yes. The man says holds up his bat and says, "Want me to use this again?" The elephant nods his head rather emphatically no....