Q: What is the differance between boogers and spinach?

A: You can't get your kids to eat spinach.

-Wolfy

two blondes walk into a building . . .


you'd think ONE of them would have seen it!!!

A guy from Philadelphia dies and is sent to hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately.

The devil is aghast as the Philadelphian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid and you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The Philadelphian, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Philadelphia. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Philadelphian's remark. Then he decides to drop the temperature into the low 40's, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell becomes a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the Philadelphian is happily slogging through the mud, happily singing, "On The Way To Cape May," and pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The Philadelphian replies, "This is great! Just like spring in Philadelphia. It reminds me of working out in the yard getting the yard and garden ready!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the Philadelphian suffer. He makes the temperature plummet to numbers far below zero. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Philadelphian unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The Philadelphian is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer
as he cavorts in glee.

"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil.

Jumping up and down the Philadelphian throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell has frozen over!! The Eagles must be going to the Super Bowl!"

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and
orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a

corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,

looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went

by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck

naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"



The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are

confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the

drop of a hat.



The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with

your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"



The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker

still says nothing.



The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell

you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"



At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders

looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa... Go home, you're

drunk."

Did you hear what happened when the pope went to mount olive?

popeye beat the crap out of him