WASHINGTON, DC—In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes of Ämerica. "Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."

http://www.theonion.com/archive/archive_nib.html 

A new tune might be in order..... It's pretty clear that very few Americans can stay on key with the Star Spangled Banner!

Yeah; sadly it's not the fact they aren't staying in key inasmuch as they are not focusing attention on the flag. Usually, they are talking, milling around and focusing on anything but the flag. A real disgrace, but to each his/her own I guess. I guess the freedom to do almost anything you want in this country as spilled over into the freedom to disrespect one of the most cherished symbol of freedom--the flag. IMHO.

I'm thinking that the umlates make us look German. That being said maybe Ramstien should compose the new (or is it nü) anthem.