Bush To Do Everything in Secret
The president holds a midnight press conference in Guam
Dec. 2 — Delighted by the success of his super-secret visit to Baghdad, President George W.
Bush has decided to do everything in secret from now on, White House sources acknowledged
today.
WHILE THE PRESIDENT’S decision to enshroud the executive branch in mystery was rumored to
be in the works all weekend, White House press secretary Scott McClellan refused to confirm or
deny the decision today, saying only that it was “a secret.”
McClellan, however, did say that all information relating to foreign policy, judicial appointments
and the President’s schedule in particular would be divulged on a “need-to-know” basis only.
McClellan then pantomimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
While the Baghdad trip clearly inspired the President’s decision, Bush has long coveted the air of
secrecy surrounding Vice President ****** Cheney, whom Mr. Bush has seen above ground only
twice in the past 18 months.
Bush is said to believe that his new secrecy policy will not prevent him from getting his message
out to the American people, even though he intends to deliver that message in code.
in a sign that the President’s new policy has already taken effect, Bush held an unannounced
press conference last night at midnight at a remote Air Force base in Guam, attended by no one.
To avoid detection, the President did not take Air Force One, instead flying in an unmarked plane
operated by Hooters Air.
Bush opened his press conference by saying, “Mixdy levgo trisdikk fleddxy,” before dashing back
into the plane and jetting to Crawford, Texas, where aides said he planned to do “something.”
