RULES OF LIFE

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of Life
really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three
alcoholic beverages of any kind.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy,
vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are
right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends
immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's
still warm.
>
> 6. The only really good advice that your mother
> ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will
this matter one year from now? How about one month?
One week? One day?"

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You
have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being
miserable because of a bad or former relationship
just might mean that the other person was right
about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally; Be really nice to your friends and
family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

BeatDragon

these are funny as hell and true.

Good stuff

John

Nothing sucks more than trying to carry a heavy patient down stairs when you gotta take a dump. LOL

Doug

Damn, what Rick said. DZ my brother said the same thing. I thought it was pretty funny.

I love it..... although I think 9 could be expanded to include other bodily functions like crapping and sex.

Very wise words, Skin-Slapper.

dbguru...

you weren't talking about combining those two activites were you? LOL