If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Definition of a teen-ager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The > seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

LMAO good one's O thanks for sharing...

Hog

very good stuff. i will pass it on,

thanks rick that really cheered me up it did.