John "Waffle" Kerry
>
>I am John Kerry I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second
>Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it.
>I support the UN.
>I'm against terrorism and against the Iraq war.
>But I voted for the Iraq war.
>So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war, wait...
>I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions.
>I support gays but think the SF mayor is wrong.
>I support gay marriages.
>No, wait, gay unions.
>I'm Catholic.
>Wait, I'm Jewish.
>My dad was Jewish.
>But I was raised Catholic.
>What am I?
>I don't want to confuse people.
>I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life.
>But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm not sure.
>I do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a mistake.
>I went to Vietnam.
>But I was against Vietnam.
>I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and
>led others to do the same.
>But I am a war hero.
>Against the war.
>I stated I threw my medals away, then I threw my ribbons away.
>I then revealed that I threw my ribbons away but not my medals, then lately
>I stated that I threw someone else's medals away and never threw anything
>of
>mine away.
>I believe ribbons and medals aren't the same thing.
>Medals come with ribbons, so now I believe that ribbons and medals are the
>same thing besides the fact that ribbons are cloth and medals are metal.
>I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover.
>But now I fly in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it.
>But sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.
>Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman.
>The Israelis shouldn't kill Palestinian terrorists, but they should stop
>terrorism.
>Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter.
>I support Mid East peace.
>I am for the common man, unlike Bush.
>I am against the rich.
>But my family is worth $600 million dollars, has a jet and many SUVs.
>I am the common man.
>I am against sending jobs overseas.
>My wife is a Heinz heir.
>Heinz has many factories offshore.
>I am against rewarding companies for exporting jobs as long as it is not
>Heinz.
>I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock.
>I believe Wal-Mart is evil by driving small business owners out of town.
>I am a capitalist, and I own part of Wal-Mart, but I am a good guy for
>small
>corporate America.
>I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI.
>Teresa owns SUVs, and I say I don't when I talk to tree hugging supporters.
>I have a campaign jet that gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.
>I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections.
>I defended a draft dodger - Clinton - and stated that all serve in their
>own
>capacity whether they draft dodge or not.
>Did I mention I served in Vietnam and am a hero?
>I served in Vietnam.
>My opponent didn't.
>I have three purple hearts!
>I am a hero.
>I am qualified to run this country, since I served.
>
>I am John Kerry.
