Yesterday I got a certified letter from my ex stating that she wants to add her maiden name(she is now married) on to our daughter's last name, which is the same as mine. Now I'm not really against the basic idea of it except it seems kind of selfish because our daughter is only 8 and I don't think she could care less. My question for anyone that is a lawyer is 1)Can I as the father block this by refusing to sign, and 2)I'm sure tons of forms will have to be filled out to switch her name on legal documents such as SS card, bank documents, stocks, etc. Basically anything that has her sole name on it or an account that myself or another member of my family is the trustee for and my daughter being the beneficiary. Does changing all these forms cost extra money besided the court fee my ex is paying to change our daughter's name?

Any info will be greatly appreciated fellas and I will throw some nice bombs your way for it.

Thanks!

Chad

Sounds to me as if you would be better off calling a lawyer on the phone instead of pinging one on C-bid. These issues are complicated. If cost is a problem, which in most cases it is, there are paralegals out there that are reasonable and can handle your case. There are some things out there that are worth the money to fight. Never give up.

I am not a lawyer, but I play one on tv.

It does not sound selfish on your part, but that of your exwifes. To me it reaks of changing your daughters identity from you to a combo of you and your exwife. It dilutes who she was born as.

If you and your ex were still together do you think she would stil want this? Maybe her new hubby is pushing this. Maybe they will eventually remove your last name all together and replace it with her new hubbys.

I dunno. Divorce when mixed with kids suck, but you have to play the hand you are delt.

Personally, I would not want it. What happens when your daughter gets married? What would her last name be then?

Mary Sue-Jones-Smith-Brown-Identitycrisis

Keep us posted and good luck.

Unfortuantely my lawyer is on vacation. The cost isn't an issue as far as that goes. I'll talk to him when he gets back in town but I just thought I'd throw this one here to see if anyone can help me out just to get the ball rolling a little and see if there's anything I need to further think of. Thanks for the kind words fellas and I'll keep you updated.

What does your daughter want. I'd base my decisions on that.

sorry - I missed the she could care less part. I'd still talk to her about it though.

Keep in mind...the laws in every state are different.

1)Can I as the father block this by refusing to sign?

It depends on your custody agreement contained within the divorce. Do you have joint custody? Shared physical custody? Who can make the decisions on medical procedures...(like dental braces or elective surgery)you? your ex? Do you have to make them together? Who decides whether she goes to public or private school?

2)I'm sure tons of forms will have to be filled out to switch her name on legal documents such as SS card, bank documents, stocks, etc. Basically anything that has her sole name on it or an account that myself or another member of my family is the trustee for and my daughter being the beneficiary.

Tons of forms...not at all. It's a matter of filing a name change through your county court, then taking the approved form to whomever you want to change the name on a document. Her SSA number doesn't change and that's the real indentifier.

Does changing all these forms cost extra money besides the court fee my ex is paying to change our daughter's name? Probably not.

Any info will be greatly appreciated fellas and I will throw some nice bombs your way for it.

Seriously...what the hell do you care if your ex's maiden name is hyphenated to your last name. She wants family name continuity. I want all my daughters to retain my family name, too.

I just wanted to say thank you to all the guys that sent POSITIVE thoughts and comments to me either on this thread or on my personal email. Very much appreciated!

To Steve*R- I don't know you or anything about you, nor would I like to judging from your comment at the end of your post. I don't know why you felt the need to put that comment in there. Totally inappropriate. If I was another BOTL on this board and read what you wrote I would never have anything to do with you ever again.

trainerchad,

Personally.. it sounds like your ex is enjoying pulling your chain to see you dance.. lets see the weekends coming how/what can I do to make his weekend suck?? I'd wait until your lawyer returned and run the question across to him.. in the meantime I wouldn't sweat it, and if your ex wants to spend all this time and money to try and add her maiden name to the end of yours for your daughter... let her Blow... and in the final deny this right... especially if you have joint custody and are kept up on the childs needs/support... the Judge will probably laugh at her for the stupidity... is your divorce finalized and arrangements in your Decree stipulate anything of this nature??

btw from the sounds of it, you must be dating or remarried yourself??

Good Luck to you and your Daughter..

Hog

Trainerchad: Your verbal eruption is really quite indicative that this battle isn't over the ability of your ex to have her maiden name hyphenated to your and your daughter's surname, but over your continued anger with what has previously transpired in your relationship with your former spouse.

The trend today is for many professional women to retain their maiden names, and many couples who have more than one child give at least one child the mother's surname. Hyphenation is common in many cultures and becoming increasing common in the United States.

It's apparent that you fear that your daughter will ultimately drop your surname completely. That will always be her choice whether this hyphenation occurs or not. She may even elect to use the surname of your ex's husband when she reaches adulthood.

You asked for advice and got it...but had a hissy fit when you read something disagreeable, but true.

hey chad, hang in there buddy. she is trying to jack with you i think.

if she wants to hyphenate a name on a child, tell her to have one with the new hubby and hypenate that childs name.

the child you and she had was named by you both.

if both of you dont want the name changed she should leave it alone.

and yeah i would have to agree with you, steve r missed the boat on this one.

stogie

Oh great... Steve*R thinks he is Dr Laura now... Iknow, I know, you arent a female shrink... you just play one on TV...

Again to all the guys that have supported me on this a HUGE THANK YOU! I talked with her for a while yesterday and brought up that I might have to go through a hell of a lot of hassle changing all these documents with her name on them and that is could possibly cost money also. She apologized and said that she hadn't thought of that part of it. She said that she's willing to pay for any of the hassle/money that I have to dish out to get this done. And just for the record my ex and I are still really good friends. I get along with her husband really well too. She does have a child with her new husband also.

Steve*R- Obviously from the comments I've gotten from other guys on here you've said some rather rude comments to them too. If you read my original thread all I'm asking is two simple questions I was looking for advice on. I did appreciate your response to them but when I saw your last sentence I was shocked that you even had the audacity to ask me why I cared. If you had read my thread I said it really wasn't the idea of the name change that bothered me, just that it was selfish on her part since our daughter doesn't care if her mom's maiden name gets tacked on to my last name. The part I was most anxious about was having to go through a ton of documents relating to stocks, mutual funds, etc where she is the beneficiary, for both me and my mother and father, and her great-grandparents. They have all established accounts for her in their names with her as the beneficiary/trustee. I didn't want this to cause all of them so much hassle and money if necessary. That is why I care. So maybe next time someone posts a thread asking for help/advice on a topic that is personal to them maybe you can be a little more sympathetic instead of verbally attacking them. Take a clue from the REAL BOTL's on here.