Where You Could Retire in the US.............Where you could retire !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since the word 'retirement' has been in conversations
almost daily, here are some choices...
You can retire to Seattle where...
1.You can rust, grow moss on your back and webbed
feet all at the same time.
2. Coffee is a major food group.
3. You can wear socks with your sandals and shorts
with your parka.
4. You can go to the Seattle Rain Festival...starts Jan &
ends in Dec.
5. The four seasons are rainy, rainier, sunbreaks and
rain, and construction.
6.And, no matter how much you try, you can't drive as
fast as the Canadians.
OR
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1.You're willing to park 3 blocks away because you
found shade.
2.You've experienced condensation on your hiney from
the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never
leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits
you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: very warm but tolerable, hot, really
hot, and ARE YOU FRICK'N KIDDING ME??!!
OR
You can retire to California where...
1.You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy a
house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your
driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood
block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you
tell them how long it will take to get there rather than
how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you
mean Manhattan.
2.You can get into a four-hour argument about how to
get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find
Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their
own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (ed. note if you have a
car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1.You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and
Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole, which
you call "hot pot."
4.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight
buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still
winter, and construction.
OR
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Ray,
Bonnie Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out
yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
OR
You can retire to Colorado where...
1.You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500
car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way
home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a
ponytail.
5. The seasons are: Hiking, Feels Like Snow, Snow,
Melt/Snow/Melt.
OR
You can retire to the rural Midwest where...
1.You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows
your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a
tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the
same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my
coat at?"
5.When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you
say, "It was different!"
OR
You can retire to Florida where...
1.You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon (catch the early
bird special).
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even
houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by
headless people.
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