Who Believe in Math and Science

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Opting for a bold “big tent”

strategy to rebuild the party, Reince Priebus,the chairman of the Republican

National Committee, told reporters today, “We need to welcome people who

believe in different things than we do, like math and science.”

After disappointing results in Tuesday’s election, Mr. Priebus said that it was

time for Republicans to become “more tolerant of those with a math-and-science

lifestyle.”

“Just because we don’t believe in those things doesn’t mean we can’t get along with

people who do,” he said. “We want to sendthis message: math and science Americans

are Americans, too.”

In the biggest departure from its previous electoral strategy, Mr. Priebus said, the

Republican Party is “even considering trying to appeal to women.”

“I read recently that women are as much as fifty-one per cent of the population,” he said.

“That number sounded crazy high to me, but maybe one of our new math Republicans can

check on it for us.”