A real live human being to do my laundry and fetch the champagne when I’m thirsty.

The coolest yet!

Carries my digital camera, phone and binoculars

Remembers 1.4 billion facts and figures (that’s huge)

Calls people to set up video conferences for me

Drives me to the beach so I can go surfing

Roams the globe with me

The kickers:

Recognizes my face no matter how bad the mug shot is

Screens my calls 4 times better than any other butler in the world

Always knows where I am and how far it is to the nearest Chinese school girl

Total bluetooth, of course. (He’s British, and you know how bad their teeth are)

Is capable of insulting people for me in multiple languages

Keeps my Ovaltine decoder ring handy

Shouts to be understood by the hearing impaired

Knows who Felicia is and why she charged my debit card

Ol' EB... come back to check on the common folk, didja?

How you be doin'?

I thought the British format was "Browntooth".

Truly Hillarious!!!

And you andy..spot on.!!

Endicott, I am afraid he would be of no use around these parts. Folks here fear of being made redundant by strawberry pickers. I think their apprehension maybe unjustified.

Say Binghamton, does he happen to be the pleasure model…as in has he been taught to fully serve his master?

MACS,

Same ol, same ol.

Breakfast on the veranda. Threaten to beat up somebody when they point out what a braggart I am. Brag some more about my personal wealth and the award/honor/prize/medal I'm going to get in the States. Do some trashtalking about the States just so my minders over here leave me alone.

Stalk an attractive single mom through the bookstore/supermarket/slaughterhouse hoping she'll make eye contact. I know she's mine when that happens. Even when the security guards escort me from the premises. It's ok though. President Hu's got my back.

I still spend several hours every day running my business/factory/sweatshop/intellectual piracy ring over here. Did I mention that President Hu is a really great guy. He's got my back, I'll have you know.

Then there's the evenings. I still get lost sometimes. I hate driving in Bangkok/Osaka/Beijing/Pongyang/Seoul.

So, what's new with you?

blech!

Coot, may I call you that,?

I must say that all the pomp set aside, you have been most entertaining. Fact or fiction, I prefer to read something intellectually stimulating than, silly roll calls; or the treat posed by the farm hands, or some poverty stricken chap that has to frame his fish. Brings tears to the eyes really, we eat the fillet and throw the rest. Even worse, we grill the fillets on mahogany or bubinga planks with sheer decadence, knowing well that those precise ingredients could be framed and feed gazing appetites for years to come. Good god, I am dragging myself into the morose abyss again.

EB, it is good to see you again!

Good seeing you too, ruggysgirl.

Sumrao,

It truly is nice to find someone else who appreciates the finer things in life the way we do. The others will never understand. They will hate us for being aristocrats. Sigh.

My travel schedule for the next several weeks will keep me quite busy, I must say:

June 7-9 Brisbane (to poach crocodiles with friends)

June 10-12 Bangkok (vacation)

June 13-16 Beijing (open new sweatshop/Dinner with Hu)

June 17-21 Belgrade (buy ammo for AN-94 rifles)

June 21-30 Bristol (accept EU presidency/dinner with QEII and Prince Charles) (I hope I don't get lost there, too)

At any rate, it was good seing you all. I'm sure I'll be back soon.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out Endi! Friggin Aristocat.

Endicott,

It's nice to see you are back, copying and pasting my posts, making fun of my posts, and generally making a mockery of everyone that posts something other than "500 asshat" threads.

It's funny how you posted this right after MACS and I had a disagreement followed by an agreement. You don't think I notice how you always come in right when he and I are talking well?

You see.....I'm on to you (the real you that is, not this phoney name). I know how you feel about him. I know the "groovy kind of love" that you have for him. You want him to be "ALL YOURS" and you get mad when he talks with others....especially me.

Go post another 500 thread, continue to make a mockery of others, such as me. You've done good on this board to tear it down and ruin what once was a good thing.

Enjoy the day.

EB sounds so familiar...

You know, a guilty conscience will make you suspect others are doing what you have been.

Yo EB:

Outstandingly hilarious, you hit the nail right on the extremely humongous forehead.

JonR

Whyzit gotta be about me?

I just work here part-time.

Because you're the coolest dude on this board besides HockeyDad, and we lost him with members started calling other members employers, and cell phones making threatening remarks and such.

He went into "protect family" mode and left the board.

Me...I decided to stick it out. I still get my first and last name posted here though. See JonR's latest post.

You are one cool dude though....well...so is andy.

Look... I ain't trying to start nuthin' here, but the above post is a far cry from this one:

"I posted the details of my new telephone that I was keen about, and a little excited, since it's so cool and all, and that offends you? **** off then. Don't brag about your Japanese car to me in the future. I post photos of me and my friends and that offends you? **** off then, don't read them and stick to your "asshat" 500 threads where you can play with the other children."

Are you Bi-polar?

;^)

I've already made my thoughts known on taking things that happen here "off the board".

I think it's bull****. Calling people, their work, or spamming them with e-mail and such is just wrong.

This is an internet BB. If you're not intelligent or mature enough to hold your own in the back and forth banter, and must resort to screwing with people "off the board" to "win an argument", you need a life.

Fact is, I can get along with just about anyone. There isn't one person here who I feel doesn't add at least something to the experience that is CBid. Sure, I like some more than others, but even the ones I don't particularly care for make me laugh now and then or post something I find funny or informative.

This place is what it is and it should stay right here. Not leak off into our personal lives.

Endeth the Sermon (I stole that from echo4alpha)

Nope...I meant what I said....both times.

I'll get your back if you pull up lame some night, and I'll pour you into a taxi, and drag you home to safety....but I'll also stand up and walk out the door if you act like a butthole to me or to my friends.

Yesterday you knocked my phone post....so I said **** off. It doesn't mean I don't like you.....

I don't hold grudges MACS.

Hey!!! What's with all the copyright infringement? "Endeth The Sermon" and "friggin' aristocrat" are mine! I leave town for a few days and look what happens...