Young Bubba was courting Ellie Mae, who lived on an adjoining farm. One evening, they were sitting on Bubba's porch watching the sun go down over the hills. Bubba spied his prize bull 'servicing' one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the time was right for him to put some pressure on Ellie Mae. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Ellie Mae, I'd sure like to be doin' what that bull is doin'."

"Well then, why don't you?" Ellie Mae whispered back. "It IS your cow, you know.

Shows up Tues. and works the rest of the week.

Calls in Monday again and tells the boss that he's sick.

Shows up Tues. and works the rest of the week.

Calls in Monday again and tells the boss that he's sick.

The boss calls the foreman into his office and asks about the new hire.

The foreman says that the guy is a great worker, does the work of two men.

Boss says that they need to figure out what's going on, they'd really like to keep him around.

The guy shows up on Tues. and is called into the boss's office.

Boss: I understand that you're a great worker, somebody that we'd like to keep around. However you can't seem to make it in on Mondays.

That type of behavior is usually a sign of drug or alcohol abuse, we have programs to help people with that.

New Guy; I don't drink or use drugs, but my brother in law does. He goes on a bender every weekend and comes home and beats the **** out of my sister.

So on Monday mornings I go over to her place to see if I can be of any help to her. I hug her and she hugs me,one thing leads to another and before you know it, we're having sex.

Boss: You **** your sister?

New Guy: I told you I was sick.

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall

for the first time in their lives.

The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, what's at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up

again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy go git yer Momma.

:-k Uhhhhhhh . . . His ****** was stuck in the chicken ?

They were called "Bomb Jovi".

Brilliant songs like “Losing my head over you,”

“Rocket Launcher Man,”

“You’re 6, You’re beautiful, and you’re mine.”

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.

Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.

I was interested so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.