The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My 60-year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 195 lbs. I've gained.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"?
The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the chit storm that's coming.
Denny's has a slogan, “If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, Your life sucks!
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need; not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she's going to get me something.
I can't understand why women are okay that J.C. Penney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor ."
I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them picking their nose?
When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider, just so I can finally hear a woman say " Oh my God, it's huge!”
