I’ve been smoking a lot of nubs lately. Had a memorable one last week in the parking lot of the Ramada Inn in Texarkana. Was there for work to inspect a warehouse in an even bigger dump up the road called Red Lick. I got in the night before. I’ve yet to find a Ramada room that doesn’t smell. This one was a mix of cigarettes, mold and pine scented cleanser. I'd need booze to sleep. Not unusual lately.

Only place I trusted for dinner was a nearby Red Lobster. Yes it’s cafeteria quality but it won’t make you sick and, most importantly, they sell alcohol. I got there at about 7. It was packed. The place was too bright and kids were screaming. Waited ten minutes for a booth. As I sat down a feral child with the narrow eyes of an inbred ran by. He was running laps around the restaurant. Occasionally he'd stop at a table where his morbidly obese parents were stuffing themselves with fried shrimp while cajoling another monster child in a high chair to eat hush puppies. The feral child would stuff something in his mouth and then resume running. I asked Jesus to make him choke.

A juggy mid-40s waitress with a big swinging ass named "Teri" came by. Marginal face but the rack helped her cause. No wedding ring. I ordered two captain and cokes right off. Slugged the second back as Teri came back to take my order. Went with the crab legs and another captain. I had no place to go so when the food came I took it slow. By 8:30 the place had thinned out and I started chatting up Teri. Told her I traveled a lot for work. She noticed the wedding ring and asked how my wife felt about that. I stared absentmindedly at the ring for a second and a flash of brilliance struck me. "Three months and I still can't seem to take it off," I said as I let my smile melt away. "She left us on September 11." Teri was buying it. "I'm soooo sorry," she said with a cute drawl. "Did she die?" she said hesitantly. "No, she just left my son and me. We'll be fine. It'll just take a little time," I said stoically. As if trying to suppress tears, I asked for the check. It was $61. I put out a hundred dollar bill. When she came back I told her I didn't want change and that it was just nice to talk to someone like her. "Oh you are soooo sweet!" she gushed. Then I took my shot. "Do you get off anytime soon and would you like to have a drink with me?" It worked. In 45 minutes she'd meet me at a bar just up the road called "Shooters." She gave me directions.

Another loud place. Lots of subhuman mongrels wearing cowboy hats. I wondered how many had ever ridden or even seen a horse. Hard faced women in skimpy outfits were on the dance floor. Pit stains under their arms and probably herpes lesions under their skirts. I found a seat at the bar and ordered two more captains. I had one more before Teri showed up. She'd changed to jeans and a little yellow shirt that displayed a nice long crack of cleavage. She had a red flower tattoo on her left breast. It was a good sign. We talked as best we could amid the noise. I'd had time to work on my story as I waited for her. I told her about my son "Brandon" who was autistic and how my wife could no longer deal with raising him. "She finally just abandoned us and moved in with an old boyfriend." Teri's eyes welled up as I told my tale. Turns out she raised her own autistic kid and I'm pretty sure hers wasn't imaginary. As she blah blah blah'd about autism she started hitting the Jameson hard. Another good sign. The touching started to escalate and in short order we were on the dance floor grabbing ass and tangling tongues. I told her about how incredible it was to meet someone like her after being so alone. I think I even forced a tear as I said it.

By 1 a.m. I had her back at the Ramada. I gotta say I put on a good show. Went south with enthusiasm even though it was a little rough down there. Not her fault. My junk would be plenty rancid after a long shift at Red Lobster. When she was in the bathroom cleaning up I took a quick look through her purse for anything interesting. No pain meds unfortunately but she did have a full bottle of my wife's favorite perfume--White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor. I snagged it and shoved it under the bed. It would be a good stocking stuffer and the least Teri owed me for the big tip and all the drinks I bought her.

After I walked Teri to her car and kissed her goodbye I lit up a Nub 466 habano. Was very relaxing as I thought about the evening. It felt good to do something nice for someone. Teri enjoyed a little night out and some companionship and my wife will be getting her favorite perfume for Christmas. It's the time of year where we all should think about what we can do to make life a little better for others. I'm sure you guys feel the same. Merry Christmas brothers!

=d>

I'm still waiting for your sister to come over.

Second paragraph is classic Magwitch............pure genius.

they best get the Magwitch movie into production quickly....before Mickey Rourke gets too old to play the part

He would be perfect!

I kind of picture Billy Bob Thornton from Bad Santa.

Richard Gere...he plays morally bankrupt characters well...


Great imagery, Magwitch...can see, smell and feel it...nice read.

The least you could do is pick the paralyzed girl up, I mean geez he is giving his sister to you without even having to wine and dine her.

🤣

Great review, but still won't buy a Nub.

Just the thing to put me in that Christmas spirit! 🌫

Befuddled as to the importance of Nub 466 , if it was a Padilla 1932 would the outcome have been different??

HOT DAMN, the fat old bassard got my list! 🍺

Poor hnix....I'll bet you hated The Long Goodbye. Now, Mag is no Raymond Chandler. But he's probably as close as cbid has.

Thanks for the Christmas gift Magwich.

Nice to see Magwitch in the Christmas spirit.

Entertaining read, made for a good break... my chicken sandwich started smelling like moldy fish though at paragraph 5.

Ahhhhh, Mags....it's good to see you. You embody the spirit of Christmas, my friend!

Did you do her in the azz, Mags?