I like to start the day with a medium cigar and a coffee sweetened with Johnnie Walker Black and Drambuie in my coffee. My wife thinks that this habit makes me a alcojolic but I say no it means I'm a full time conneseur

Did she also tell you to use spell check?

I'm not an alcoholic, they're always looking for a drink. I already have one.

That doesn't make you an alcoholic. It makes you a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

For over thirty years I have an Irish coffee in the morning.
Convinced my wife a long time ago that I use liquid corn syrup to sweeten my coffee, she has no clue she's pouring Jameson. (Wine drinker since college)
I'm not a Connoisseur, a drunk or an alcoholic. I'm Irish!

"If you don't start in the morning, then you can't drink all day"

I remember I went on a fishing trip with some brothers and one of them asked if I took cream and sugar with my coffee. I looked at him puzzled and told him "Hey man, it's 5am. Hand me a beer; it's time to get the grains in!"

I didn't catch much fish that day but then again I didn't need to. 😛