I will relate a story told me by a nurse who once completely lost it with a patient and became totally unprofessional.
She was working in the Emergency Room at a local hospital one night when she went into one of the curtained cubicles and saw a marine engineer sitting on the examination table. She grabbed a pen and a clipboard and asked what was ailing him. "It's my ****," he answered.
Being a no-nonsense nurse she immediately told him to drop his trousers and show her his member that was causing him distress. He complied and, when she looked, she saw the smallest man-thing she had ever seen in her 22 years of nursing. She tried to contain herself but despite her best efforts she started to laugh uncontrollably. Finally, pulling herself together she caught her breath and apologized profusely to the distressed patient for her momentary lack of professionalism.
"I am so sorry for that unprofessional outburst." Then in a very businesslike tone she continued, "Now, please, tell me what is wrong with your ****?"
The man touched it very gingerly and said, "It's swollen."
That's the night she lost her job.
How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?
When she can fit into your wife's pants.
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat for about 10 seconds.
The man finds the shuddering a bit strange, but decides to ignore it and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering, but eventually goes back to his reading.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders even more violently than before.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you’ve sneezed and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered all over the place! Are you all right?”
The woman replies, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition: each time that I sneeze, I have an org@sm.”
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, “I’ve never heard of that one before. Are you taking anything for it?”
The woman looks at him and says, “Yes, pepper.”
