A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'


[frypan]

So wrong....

🤣
It's funny cause it's prolly true... 🤣

lmfao

😂 😂 😂

---

And I just spit my Dr Pepper all over the desk!

Funny=d>

Oldie with a Nancy twist but even funnier.

I don't get it ? Why didn't the sheepdog chase the man away from Nancy Pelosi?
Q

LMMFAO

'cause he's a sheepdog, not a palsied old bat dog

A man washes up on the shore of a deserted island after his sailboat went down in a fierce storm.
Everyday he sits on the beach, scanning the horizon, looking for a ship that might come to his rescue.
20 years go by but no ship.
Then, one day, as he's looking out on the ocean, he sees something black, bobbing on the surface of the water, but he can't see what it is. The black object keeps getting closer to shore, but still, he has no idea of what it is.
Then, when the object gets about 100 feet from the beach, it rises up out of the water to reveal that it is a beautiful woman in a black wetsuit.
The man rushes up to her and says, "OH MY GOD ! I never thought that I would see another person again."
The woman asks him how he got there.
"Well", the man says, "About 20 years ago, I was sitting on my sailboat, smoking a cigar and sipping a bourbon, when my boat went down in a sudden storm."
The woman says, " So how long has it been since you smoked a cigar ?"
The man replies, "The last cigar I smoked was the one that I was enjoying when my ship went down. So about 20 years, I would say."
She smiles at him and says, "Well then you should enjoy this", and unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and hands him a Monte #2
and some waterproof matches.
The man lights up, takes a few puffs, and says, "Ohhhhhhh . . . that is wonderful."
The woman then says, " And how long has it been since you had a drink of bourbon?"
The man replies, "Not since my ship went down 20 years ago."
She smiles and says,
"Well then, I guess you're really going to enjoy THIS", and opens another pocket and pulls out a small flask.
"It's Elmer T Lee", she says, and pours him a drink.
"HOLY SCHIT !", the man says."That is soooooo delicious !"
Then she asks him,
"So tell me, how long has it been since you played around ?", as she slowly starts to unzip the front of her wetsuit.
The man says,
"OH MY GOD ! Don't tell me you have a set of clubs in there !"
#-o

Poor Nancy

A cruise ship sinks in a remote pat of the South Seas. A random dude and Scarlett Johansson were the only survivors that washed up on a deserted island.

They didnt know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was. At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter. He started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn’t anybody else in the island.

He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier... it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this.

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they were for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed... "Whats wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing..." the guy would say.

She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn’t asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him.

"Really?, youll do anything id like?"

"Yes" she said "anything!"

"OK, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore"

"OK..."

"Now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat"

"What... OK, I did say I’d do anything" she said lovingly.

"OK, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it"

She was kinda’ confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tuck her hair under the hat.

"Now I’d like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache"

"OK... if this is what you want..." she muttered.

"Now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach ill catch up to you in a bit" he said a bit excited...

She started walking... wondering... doubting herself... just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was he... Suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won’t believe who I’ve been f*****g for the past 6 months!"

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Not bad, Gene. 👍

😁 Just gots to tell someone.