A wife tells her husband, "I want to get a boob job, mine are way too small!"
Husband says, "fine how much will that cost?" Wife says, "about $8,000."
Husband says, "no freaking way we can afford that! Just go in the bathroom and rub toilet paper on your boobs."
Wife says, "what the hell good will that do!!??" Husband says, "well its worked for your huge ass all these years!"
A guy goes into a Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for two tours."
The interviewer says, "Excellent, that will give you five extra
points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's
service! Well, that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay.
Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me
to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at
10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from
8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee
and scratching our balls. No point in your coming in for that."
Midget wrestler weighed in at 100 lbs, 50 lbs of him was his balls---Little SOB was half nuts.
A Texas couple, both well into their 80's, go to a Sex Therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all....
Medicare pays $43 of it.
Everyone have a safe holiday weekend. 🌫
