This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck....."
**********************************************************************
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."
***********************************************************************
l
A cop was patrolling at night in a well known area for "parking." He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked over to the car and knocked on the window. "Yes, officer?" "What are you doing?" "Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine." Pointing to the young woman, the cop asked, "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugged, "I believe she's knitting a pullover." The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night and nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?"" I'm 22, sir." "And her, what's her age? The young man looks at his watch and said, "She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
**************************************************************************
One day two single friends, Derek and Chris, were clubbing and drinking beers left and right. Chris ended up getting blasted, but insisted on drinking and driving. Chris lost control of the car on a sharp curve and both of them died. Derek went to heaven and Chris went to hell. Well, after Derek had seen all of heaven, he wanted to see his buddy Chris in hell. So Derek asks God if he can go to hell and check on his buddy Chris. God allows Derek to go down to hell and find Chris.
To his amazement, Chris isn't being tortured but has a beautiful girl on his lap and a beer in his hand.
Derek, furious, doesn't even talk to his friend but instead he heads straight back to heaven and asks God,
"How come Chris has this beautiful woman and cold beer to drink and I haven't got any of that?".
"Well",God says, "The beer has got a hole in it and the woman doesn't!"
**************************************************************************************
