I was recently asked to speak at the local high school during an assembly.

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself.

I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullsh*t; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.

The last one asked by a young man was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"

I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I've spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted."

For some reason I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:

1) If it flies, floats, or fu*ks, it's cheaper to rent it.

2) If it's got t*ts or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back for Veteran's Day so I can finish They need to know this sh*t!


🌫

=d> =d> =d>

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😂

Bravo! And truer words were never spoken.

Even my wife laughed!

Mine too !

Funniest around here in a long time.


👍 👍

Funnyyyy

So true