Report: Majority Of Break-Ins Occur While Security Guard Watching Aerobics Video, Eating Big Bowl Of Chili

WASHINGTON—Shedding new light on how Americans can best protect themselves from burglary, a report from the Pew Center released Tuesday found that the majority of break-ins occur while a security guard is watching an aerobics video and eating a big bowl of chili. “Our research indicates that, by far, the most common scenario of forced entry involves an intruder sneaking in during a period when the watch-person’s eyes are glued to a jumping jacks routine while trying to bring a particularly hot spoonful of beans, meat, and cheese up to their lips,” said lead researcher Donovan Carbo, adding that the security challenges identified were compounded by the fact that the groggy guards rarely looked at the monitor bay until they had already dozed off and fallen out of their chair, dumping the bowl of chili all over their uniforms and the floor in the process.

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https://www.theonion.com/report-majority-of-break-ins-occur-while-security-guar-1844883301?utm_source=TheOnion_Daily_RSS&utm_medium=email 

real chili don't have beans... 😟

I just ate pink lentils with garlic, steamed broccoli, BBQ pork burnt ends made out of country style pork ribs and a homemade buttermilk dinner roll.

Were you watching Richard Simmons videos..?? 😕

no I'm watching "The Dukes of Hazard" on my lunch break.

Gross......

anything get stolen?

he wouldn't know...he's busy cleaning up

We have had a rash of break ins out here in the sticks, mostly cars with the intent to steal. Everybody is starting to lock their cars. Not chili related tho.

I make the broads in the office do that, the dishes and my lap.

don't fall asleep again.... or they'll use the wire brush on your lap

Hey guys. I’m just now getting into smoking cigars. I usually go for the medium or light bodied sticks? Do y’all have any suggestions?

^ Yes maybe post in cigar and related forum. 🇨🇮

Yeah, I suggest you get your head out of your ass and mind your manners!!!
People are talkin’ about important schitt here!

R Witt you can clean my lap next and we’ll talk about cigars when it pops up.