Tongue planted firmly in cheek:
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An Essay By Former President William J. Clinton
Damn I’m freakin horny. I wish people would stop bothering me about foreign affairs; I don’t have time for that petty stuff. We just got this new intern and she’s making it difficult for me to concentrate. The other day her and I were… actually… I forgot what we where doing. In any case, her and I were doing something together and we got interrupted by one of my annoying aides. He tells me some of our military died in Somalia. As soon as I find out where this “Somalia” is, I’m going to pull those guys home… it doesn’t matter why they were there. Well, I’ll do that after I finish up with my new intern.
Someone tells me we had a Special Forces agent in Iraq putting together a resistance force against Saddam Hussein. They tell me he was just about to “pull the trigger” and have the resistance assassinate Saddam Hussein. He was just calling in for the final go ahead. I don’t know who this Saddam Hussein is, but as soon as I find out what “Special Forces” are, I’m going to court martial that guy. I just have to make sure that “Special” doesn’t mean he’s mentally retarded… can’t have that type of publicity.
That new intern is driving me crazy. She smiled at me today and all I could think about is what better things she could do with those lips. That’s probably why I lost some card with our new clearer launch codes on them. Everyone was panicking and running around looking for them. I don’t know what the big deal is, so they have some code that is new and clearer. Don’t we have copies of these things? Anyway, while that was going on, I got a new personal record golf score.
Hillary just got done yelling at me about some publicity stuff. She’s telling me to “take care” of some guys that “know” something or is investigating us. I’m getting tired to doing these things. Besides, I’m finding it hard to find new bodyguards.
