If by "wife" you mean "mistress".....then TOUCHE!!!..LOL.
Just bustin' some balls Apach.....simply can't resist sometimes.....that inner Spazz in me you see....LOL.
I'm sure the general is right,.....he will appreciate whatever you send Brian. The fact that you are trying to find something he will enjoy in and of itself will probably be enough.
That said, I say you build him a popscicle stick house and a homemade gift card.